What is incel?

Involuntary celibacy (colloquially incel) is chronic near-total or total absence in a person’s sexuality of intimate relationships or sexual intercourse that is occurring for reasons other than voluntary celibacy, asexuality, antisexualism, sexual abstinence, unreasonable in mate criteria and unfounded fears/dogmas.

A couple of years ago one involuntary celibate person said that, according to him, most people are to be considered in a state of absolute involuntary celibacy when they were, against their wishes, unable to obtain either of these things in more than six months :

1. a relationship

2. unpaid sex

I agree with the definition and think that more than 6 months without both of those things, and against your desire, are abnormal enough to be called incel.

More important than the exact number of months, however, is whether long periods of celibacy are a recurring pattern in an individual’s D/S/R history. Many people go without D/S/R for six-month or longer stretches, but rarely experience such problems as a constantly recurring pattern.

This goes for most people. There are, however, those people who could be considered completely non-celibate with only one of those things in their life. For example, an asexual person could only be satisfied with a relationship while a person not wanting any relationships with anybody could be satisfied with only sex. The key thing is desire.

Also, it is important to note that only unpaid sex is considered to be relevant for whether or not somebody is an involuntary celibates. Involuntary celibates who use prostitutes are still considered involuntary celibates.

What isn’t incel(!)

Obviously, the key factor in somebody being involuntarily celibate is desire.

People who don’t want either unpaid sex or a relationship should not be called involuntary celibates simply because they don’t have what they don’t want anyway.

More to read about

A Wikipedia article on incel http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Involuntary_celibacy

A Love-shy.com wiki article on incel http://www.love-shy.com/lswiki/Incel

45 thoughts on “What is incel?

  1. Don’t you hate americans to governmentgetgirlfriends ? 😀

    @ anonymous dude: if your arachnophobia or fear for clowns interfere in your life in significant ways, then yes, a psychiatric help is warranted.

  2. Pingback: FAQ About “Incel” & GovernmentGetsGirlfriends | Eclipsed Moon

  3. Learning some game would help too, but I can see that as a big step for love shy/incel folk. I second going to the gym Liz, such a simple lifestyle change has gotten guys laid and gotten them girlfriends. It’s about raising your overall sexual value as a man, therapy won’t either, everyone should go to therapy actually.

  4. Some good ideas here. I’m willing to pay, but the love-shy Incel thing is devastating, and it’s a real strain to just call an escort. I’ve never really got over it, but E helps. At 60, where do you get pills, and how do you get accepted at a rave so the girls will want you? These are serious questions.

  5. Oh man, all you have to do is be friendly without being creepy, have some varied interests, do stuff.. You know? Obviously hygiene comes into it cos girls don’t like skanky homeless stench. I’m surprised you’re not on those sexy-times dating websites for hook ups if you have this whole “I need to get laid” thing going on. By the way, girls don’t like guys that reek of desperate. Desperate is bad. Makes girls run in the other direction. Be friendly, funny, not too attached to the end result (whatever it is for you) and just enjoy a ladies company. Doesn’t have to be a date, you could see her at a party or at a friends house. Who knows.

    But if its instant touch and affection you want, get a pet.

      • Nah, not clueless mate. I’m a chick, I know what chicks like. I haven’t seen that documentary, but dude.. You need to loosen up! Relax! You are making this more of a deal than what this incel thing really is.
        Connection with people is more than sex. I know you’ve been talking about that, but it seems to me, what I can see, is that you are only interested in the end result, sex. Blowing, cumming etc etc. Maybe you haven’t been working on yourself to be happy and satisfied with yourself? You can’t project your insecurities on to other people, it drives people away. I’m glad you think I’m hilarious, cos being funny also also part of life yes? Maybe, you need to lighten up and be a bit more fun and flirty. Get some Dutch courage under your belt. I dunno.
        I’ve been married for 5 years now, I remember the courting phase had lots and lots of flirting and cheeky wit. Have you thought about joining a group that does charity work or something like Rotaract? That helps you meet girls in a semi structured kind of way where you can interact and practice your skills in interacting with women in a healthy way? I’m just throwing options out there…

      • GGGF:
        ‘hilariously clueless.’

        I’m still laughing over the part about women liking hygiene and avoiding the homeless stench. From what I’ve seen, that stench attracts women like a lure. And ‘avoid being creepy and THAT will attract women?’

        I’m not sure why people expect men to believe this…lol

    • Varied interests? Hygiene? What, you think I sit around playing WOW all day and never fucking wash? Bitch, I’ve been to job interviews where I was better turned out than the cunt interviewing me.

      • If you casually refer to a potential female employer as a ‘cunt’, then I think it’s fair to say hygiene and interests aren’t your problem. Dismissive and disrespectful treatment of women is way more likely to kill a girl’s interest in you than your hobbies or lack there-of. Maybe you don’t talk to girls you would like to date the same way you address women on the internet… but what you think is who you are, and they WILL pick up on it. The good ones – the thoughtful, intelligent, loving, generous types who you would probably like to be in a relationship with – will avoid you like the plague, leaving only those with poor judgement or a desire to use you.

        • Amen, Sister! What a creep! This guy has a LOT more that needs fixing than I can list here. Starting with his attitude toward women. If I had him near a bathroom, I’d push his head in the stool. Grow up! Clean up your act! Some female must have crapped on you good! And you took it to heart! Maybe she was wrong! Did’ya ever think of that? Maybe you’re not so bad as she tried to make you feel. At any rate, you need to do something – FAST – about how you relate to the opposite sex or you’ll end up alone, bitter, unloved, despised, hating yourself, a wasted life. You can choose to change. You can choose to let go whatever negative trash was dumped on you–even if you deserved it at the time. Nobody’s perfect. We’ve all played the idiot. Pick yourself up and say good-bye to the past and become a new person. I bet you could charm the spots off a snake if you work at it. Get Going!

    • Hime Girl:
      Well as far girlfriends ‘going’, where most of them went were to males with the ‘homeless stench’ and were more ‘creepy than friendly.’

      I’m not sure what you mean by ‘unfuckable’—that sounds kind of gay. But yes, I have had sex before. Whether it was worth doing or not, though, is another question.

  6. “Involuntary celibates who use prostitutes are still considered involuntary celibates.”

    No they aren’t. Involuntary celibates are people who actively want sex but can’t get it. People who use prostitutes get sex. Thus they aren’t involuntary celibate.

      • The term normally only takes into account sex, not relationships. By your definition, anyone who engages in sex on a purely casual, nsa basis, even unpaid, may be considered involuntarily celibate. Seems a bit extreme.

        • “By your definition, anyone who engages in sex on a purely casual, nsa basis, even unpaid, may be considered involuntarily celibate”

          Did you even read the “definition”? Paid sex doesn’t count, that’s not too hard to understand, is it?

      • Rux:
        Admittedly, the definition isn’t always clear. For example, I would consider myself INCEL—not because I can’t get laid, but because the quality of females to do anything with is so abysmal that I hardly want to anyway. That would change if women were of better quality.

        It’s the same with paying for sex—a sex worker is not the same as a girlfriend, any more than a sexbot or video porn is a real relationship.

        • I’m in that same train. I think the defintion should be updated to:

          “Most people are to be considered in a state of absolute involuntary celibacy when they were, against their wishes, unable to obtain, from someone they are attracted to, either of these things in more than six months… etc.

          If you may obtain sex or relatioships from people who you do not feel attracted to at some level (either physically, or mentally, or whatever makes you WANT that person), those in my opinion should not count, just as paid sex.

  7. It’s more a case of people coming up with their own definitions based on what they perceive to be an unacceptable sex/relationship life for them, personally.

    Technically:

    celibacy = lack of sexual intercourse (and perhaps marriage)
    http://www.thefreedictionary.com/celibacy
    http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/celibacy

    involuntary celibacy = celibacy, but not for voluntary reasons

    It follows that ANY sexual intercourse, even with no “relationship” beyond, as in prostitution, one-night stands, swinging, anonymous/casual sex, etc.:
    -> sexual intercourse present
    -> not celibate
    -> not involuntarily celibate

    But if someone wants to consider themselves involuntary celibate by their own terms, fair enough.

    • Would you consider someone to be involuntarily celibate if they have slept with over 300 women they contacted through a casual sex hookup site but never had a “relationship” with any of them? I wouldn’t, but apparently some people here would.

  8. Pingback: Another victim of incel dies | thatincelblogger

  9. I am not thatincelblogger. I am someone quite different. Go to a gym. Fucking brilliant idea. I have heart failure. If i go to a gym, I will probably be coming out feet first. Get some pills. By which I take it you mean Ecstasy, or some other illegal shit. Have you any idea how quickly an E tab would kill me? Go to a rave. I fucking HATE dance music.

    Tell you what bitch, how about cunts like you giving decent men a chance instead of going after fucking knobheads all the time? Or does that interfere with your feminist agenda too fucking much you brain dead piece of shit?

  10. “Unpaid sex” — contradiction in terms. There’s no such thing as unpaid sex. Those men with wives and girlfriends usually pay the most — in terms of money, time, stress, and sometimes even physical damage, violence, threats, and legal repercussions.

    in·cel /ɪnˈsel/
    noun
    1. A man who, despite repeated evidence to the contrary, still believes in the notion of romantic love.
    2. A man who, despite repeated evidence to the contrary, does not believe in the existence of prostitutes, escorts, brothels, sex vacations, sugar arrangements, sluts, expatriation, etc.

    If you are in good health, and have a 100 $ bill, then you are not ‘incel’, whatever the puahate/misc cultists morons try to convince you.

    Period.

    And if you say, “b…but… nobudy wubbs me” or “b…but… I want a wife and a family”, then fuck you (and get a clue).

    I have an intense hatred for self described ‘incels’, as I have actually been involuntarily celibate, a.k.a. physically ill, impotent, and broke, for several years.

  11. Whilst I do not agree with your tone, I can’t argue with your logic. Women can be bought. I have been saying that for a long time. Paying for sex with a hooker is the single smartest thing an Incel guy can do. If I had enough money, there is NO WAY IN HELL I WOULD GO WITHOUT SEX. Why the fuck should I? And why the fuck should I feel guilty about paying for sex?

  12. Another piece of advice I would give is MAKE MONEY. Money can, and will get you sex. Might even get you a wife. And don’t give a flying fuck HOW you make it or how MUCH you make. It’s the only way to get on.

  13. That’s right. You’re a man and you need to suck this shit up. No chick wants to hear it. They think loser right away. Women don’t get us. They’re too self absorbed too see past their makeup and careers to get what guys are really all about. They say we’re easy and predictable and yet they fuck it up all the time. I know the problem well and wrote a book about it -A (http://www.mfp.com.au/angelwanderer/seethings)

  14. I find the ‘unreasonable in mate criteria’ a point of contention. I’m a female who went three years without sex or a relationship, had a brief fling, and am now on another three year dry run.

    The problem is, the guys I’m attracted to don’t always reciprocate- but I can’t help my sexuality. Just because I reject a man I personally find repulsive doesn’t mean I’m being ‘unreasonable’ (especially given my criteria is largely personality based; I don’t care for anyone’s ‘status’ beyond my own- he can be unemployed so long as he’s funny, kind and we have the right chemistry )…if you were to reject a man, because you’re presumably not attracted to males, would that be being unreasonable? I can’t help who I’m attracted to- people aren’t a taste to acquire.

    So yes, I’ve rejected opportunities to be with some men, but I’d still identify as incel…I can’t force myself to be attracted to all men, and the men I’d like to have don’t always reciprocate- it’s very much an involuntary state.

    • DevilsAdvocate, while I understand completely and can sympathize with you I also have to say I disagree completely.

      Like I said, I can sympathize – just like I can understand people refusing to eat food below certain quality or food that is dirty. I can understand why they would be uncomfortable and distressed while eating such food. However, I can’t sympathize with them they way I can with people who can’t eat any food whatsoever.

      “f you were to reject a man, because you’re presumably not attracted to males, would that be being unreasonable?”

      That’s a horrible comparison. The idea of having any intimate contact with any man is repulsive to me. On the other hand, I can find some pleasure with almost any woman.

      “I can’t help who I’m attracted to- people aren’t a taste to acquire.”

      I can’t either but I have no choice but not to reject almost any woman, even if I don’t like her. I’m forced to not reject almost any woman 12-52.

      “So yes, I’ve rejected opportunities to be with some men, but I’d still identify as incel…I can’t force myself to be attracted to all men, and the men I’d like to have don’t always reciprocate- it’s very much an involuntary state.”

      Are you looking for a man regularly? How many have you rejected?

      Hicel is also an involuntary state.

  15. “If your phobia makes you avoid trying to approach a woman you’ll be fucked.”

    Now I’m confused. I thought the problem was that you wouldn’t.

    • i could be wrong, but the way i read it, i think Ed was making a harmless joke at what you said: “If your phobia makes you avoid trying to approach a woman you’ll be fucked”. So he quips: “Now I’m confused. I thought the problem was that you wouldn’t [be fucked]”.

      At least that’s how i read it.

      As an incel myself, I would like to add that i don’t think you have thought through the practical reasons of why this whole government gets girlfriends idea is nonsense. For example, how would anyone prove that a person is incel or not incel? It would open the door to a total abuse of the system. If society suddenly realized that you could simply ask or pay for government to provide you with free dates, don’t you think there would be a lot of people who already have active sex lives, illegitimately using this system to get even more sex and relationships ? Further, don’t you think there would emerge the problem of the the government sponsored dates (mostly women) also using the system to their benefit? Considering that most incels are more unattractive (i.e. unable to attract, for various reasons) than their Alpha counterparts in society, don’t you think the government sponsored girls would also abuse the system, feigning interest in incels until the dates are over, while they take every opportunity to have sex with the Alphas on those arranged dates ?

      This is just one way in which i think you have not thought out the practical reasons why it is a silly idea. I empathize with you as an incel myself, but your idea is just dumb. The whole problem of incel– and similarly the reason why some people in society are so successful at dating, is somewhat mysterious and also by nature it is extremely personal. For these reasons, it is difficult for society as a whole to treat. let alone umderstand and acknowledge, the problem. The solution, if there even is one for all incels, does come from the self. I do not claim to have the magic bullet but I do believe it comes out one’s own doing, one’s own initiative, or responsibllity, somehow. The only perplexing thing to me is that the people in society who are mosr successful at attracting others, often tend NOT to take personal responsibility for anything in their lives, except of course their sex life, where they excel in personal responsibility.

      For me and i presume for most other incels, this is one of our biggest problems. We have trouble shirking our normal daily societal responsibilities, while at the same time failing somehow to take enough responsibility in our sex life. All too often — just as you have done with this website about “government gets girlfriends” — we feel too entitled to sex, relationships, etc and that is why we fail. Perhaps if we stopped expecting it to come to us, and started going into society and taking it for ourselves, them we might be able to break the incel cycle,

      Just my thoughts for the night,

      • Donnie,

        1. Yeah, seems that’s what Eddie is saying. Which is why I will delete his post. I don’t have time for stupid jokes.

        2. GGGFS thing is abandoned long ago so why discuss it? Some of what you said can be solved easily, some can’t be solved without much effort, some can never be solved. But it’s pointless to discuss it anymore. It no longer exists.

        3. Regarding your explanation of incel I, of course, disagree with you and think you’re rambling nonsense, since most incels apply enormous effort. Please read my last post, that huge one and tell me what you think. Because it is the truth.

        • While I can’t speak for Ed, as a visitor to your site I personally don’t feel that his post warrants deletion. He was not really making fun of you, it just seemed like a quick one-liner to lighten the mood. So while it is your site, I do encourage you to look at it from a different perspective. I personally enjoy reading short quips like that, whether on news sites, blogs, or any other written media, since they serve as a nice pause from the action and help us to look at things from a different angle, sometimes even pointing out the ridiculousness of a greater argument. Besides, no one can be serious -all- the time.

          Because of your reaction to Ed’s post, I sense that you have a tough time finding humor in things, which is understandable but also a bit unfortunate. Does anything make you laugh? I don’t mean laughing in an evil, sinister, dark way either. I mean a good genuine, hearty, belly laugh over something fun and entertaining. Laughing does keep us sane and healthy and it is as old as time itself. It does not even have to have a purpose really other than to feel good.

          I apologize about the GGGF thoughts, I did not know you abandoned it (I check in every once in a while but do not always read every single post you make, so please forgive me). Still, I can’t help but wonder, if even you admit now that you have abandoned that idea, does it not occur to you that perhaps your ideas (at least some of them in the past and possibly even the present) may be wrong, silly, pointless, or just not worth discussing? What I am getting at is, as much as we love to hate people who don’t understand our situation, sometimes they are correct about things. Very few people are wrong 100% of the time. Even a broken clock strikes the right time every once in a while. I think realizing that our own inner thoughts are not always sensible or worthy, is an important part of having Humillity, which, lo and behold, is often an attractive trait (and one that I do not possess enough for sure).

          I will read your (very long) post later, hopefully tonight, as I don’t have the patience for it at the moment, but I promise I will read it and I will reply soon. I just think that in regards to effort expenditure by incels, our concept of “effort” and “trying” may be incorrect, thereby leading us to think we are putting in massive amounts of effort without any tangible results. When in reality it may just be a lot of overthinking and things that we do that are not actually bringing us any closer to our goals. For example, we can send hundreds of messages on online dating but only score 1 date. But perhaps if we just walked up to a single girl in public, knowing how to convey the right amount of confidence, we might sooner score a date, with only a fraction of the total time and energy required. Although that approach in public may actually represent a higher degree of effort expended as it could require one to “punch through the invisible wall” so to speak. That is to say, it could require overcoming a tremendous amount of inner fear and anxiety, no easy feat by any measure, compared to the relatively easy task of hiding behind one’s computer and comfortably typing out hundreds of messages to potential partners. Do you catch my drift? So not all effort is equal and what we think equates to “trying” may be more akin to “doing everything BUT trying”

          • 1. Ed thing – a first impression might be that you’re reasonable about this but you lack the knowledge of constant.
            This blog was and is a subject of lot of ridicule, as well as incorrect definitions of incel.
            But the ridicule is about a deadly topic and their definition wrong so I shouldn’t allow this shit.

            2. GGGF- lol ! I didn’t abandon the idea because I thought it was bad. Told you, most of what you say could be solved in one way or another. I abandoned it because the society is too imbecilic to accept it and governments too corrupt to care.

            And humility is not an attractive trait.

            3. But there are incels who do go out or whatever, and they’re still being shamed the same way you try to do it with me, though you might deny it. There’s an incel who approached 1000 women IRL and nobody told him “Bravo, you tried so hard”. He was shamed like the rest of us.

            As for the rest of it, read that big post to see what I think about seduction.

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