47 thoughts on “About me

  1. – Do you not find it ironic that your dependency on sexuality itself is enough to put off a lot of women?

    – Do you not think it is harmful to yourself to be spiteful of those who can but will not aid you in your own problems? I’m not questioning the obligation of family/government here; I’m saying that spending even one second acknowledging where others AREN’T helping you is actually harmful to your own quest for happiness.

    – I think I read in your blog somewhere that you have had a sexual relationship now. Do you still think all of your emotions regarding your previous lack of sexuality were justified? Was the sex worth 10 years of anguish?

  2. @Mitchell

    While the obsession with sex is regrettable, intimacy is something all humans desire; when routinely denied, it’s amongst the most soul destroying experiences one can have. It’s not the denial of sex (which is only a small part of it, truly), but the denial of feeling wanted beyond mere levels of friendship, which yes, absolutely will appear lower than sexual and/or romantic relationships. Would you choose your friends life over your spouses, if forced to make a decision?. Speaking as someone who for many years was not obsessed with sex yet had very little (if any true) success with women, even for simple companionship, I very easily understand how it can become an obsession, though I narrowly avoided it and retained sanity.

    As for the owner of this blog, I hope your relationship is a fruitful one and aids you in your recovery. Don’t dwell on the past, as there’s literally nothing that can be done. Attraction is not something that can be forced.

      • It has always seemed to me that the occurrence of involuntary celibacy was the product of applied social correction. One becomes “un-f’able/unlovable” due to characteristics not found acceptable by society. These characteristics can be physical or psychological. In the case of the physical, the physical traits are seen unconsciously as undesirable (while a burn victim doesn’t have traits of disfigurement to “pass on” biology must react as if this were the case otherwise it might not serve as any kind of barrier. The job of the mind is to provide a counter-intellectualization: “burns aren’t genetic; something happened to this guy; he can’t pass on these genes”). I would think that psychological anomalies account for the majority of involuntary celibacy.

        So then, one possesses characteristics which are found socially undesirable. In order to apply corrective pressure, society must limit the access that such an individual has to the benefits of society. The application of this pressure is meant to be “corrective”: if the offending behavior is transformed into acceptable behavior, the stigmatization falls away. I don’t believe social correction to be a matter of volition but rather some sort of instinct. While social correction will remain a component of our society, I also believe that the explosive reaction of the object of applied social correction should come as no surprise whatsoever. This however is not the case. Every time some ass shoots up something we wring our hands and proclaim phony or ignorant lamentations to no effect. The object of the applied pressure should react in a way that corrects themselves rather than “blowing up” and enacting a “day of retribution”. Other variants factor into a reaction. With someone predisposed to psychological volatility, Isla Vista can occur.

        I believe social correction will not be stopped. It is then the obligation of the object of applied socially corrective pressure to take action. What sort of action one takes is a function of their relative psychological health. I would suggest exposure therapy. Self-administered exposure therapy. Ubiquity devalues everything. There are Holocaust jokes… JOKES about one of the most terrible events in human history. How can that be? Ubiquity devalued the event.

  3. I’ve heard it before as Involuntary Abstinence. It’s a hidden issue in young males today. While they are young and have their life ahead of them young males are still fully charged with the urge to mate. But they aren’t yet in a situation to have their realise primal urges realised, I believe the sexless period and lack of companionship in some young men’s life can lead to criminal and anti-social behaviour. Why isn’t incel looked at further in young men.. because the combination of innocent young males and a deep unquenched sexual urge has the potential to be received as ugly and visceral.

    Should the government intervene? that sounds a bit far seeing as the sexual marketplace is based off survival of the fittest…

  4. So, have you thought about the possibility that a woman could be “incel”? I only heard about this word when I stumbled upon this blog, but I haven’t seen any mention of it. I don’t understand how this could be a single-sex issue.

      • I do not think they are as rare as you think. It is just that most women don’t classify themselves as incel or would seek out a forum for the issue.

        My sexual history is extremely similar to yours. Did not have sex until I was 23. I was in a relationship with him for a few years but then he dumped me and married a woman he was cheating on me with. I had another sexual partner a few years later (actual a virgin, although he did not tell me that time which led to a disastrous sexual encounter because he was trying to be someone he wasn’t and just broke down during it. If he would have been open about his virginity I think we could have lasted but he was so embarrassed after our time together that he dumped me. ). That was 5 years ago. I have had a few dates since but have not had sex with anyone.
        Yet, I do not find this to be an issue that needs to be addressed with a support group or government intervention. I have close and intimate relationships with my friends. I have vibrators. I have gone to graduate school to stimulate my mind. I am in therapy for depression and anxiety disorder. I am not happy with my situation. I would much rather be in a relationship than single. I want a family and children. But I compensate and have made peace with it. This is common with many women I know who you would classify as incel. They accept that for them a romantic relationship may not be possible. We are what the world would have called spinsters. The difference is that on a whole we do not feel as if we are entitled to be in a romantic or sexual relationship and therefore do not think that it is somehow a thing that needs to be cured via any type of government intervention. The number of women who are living in involuntary celibacy are therefore underrepresented on message boards. If this is simply a fact of our lives that is not abnormal (because being in a romantic relationship is not something to which we are guaranteed and so when we find ourselves alone we don’t seek out some type of support group.)

        While I understand the deep desire to have a romantic and sexual partner, I don’t feel that I am entitled to one or that the fact that I am alone is some type of situation which needs intervention. If it happens I will be thrilled. If not then I will still have lived a full an complete life. That is what I think you should be striving for instead of a partner.

          • What did Elliot Rodger do about it, besides walk around and hope that sex would just fall from the sky on him?

            • It’s not as if he didn’t do anything. He was in mixed social groups, he tried. But what he should have done is to leave the femisphere. Also, please note that while ER might have focused on sex incel isn’t just about sex.

              • He was NOT in mixed social groups! He had only one female friend in his life. What is the “femisphere”?

                I understand that perfectly, and also understand that he is not representative of incel as a whole.

                • Well, regardless of friends, there were girls at his college etc.

                  Femisphere is a name for parts of the world which are heavily feminist. These include Anglosphere (Australia, Canada, UK, US), Western Europe and parts of South America.

                  • Yes, this is true; however, it seemed to me that merely existing in the same city as women wasn’t really “doing anything about it.” Thus, if you agree that ER was in fact incel, it’s unfair of you to challenge Missy’s self-identification as incel by asking her if she’d done anything about it!

                    • This cannot be compared. It is extremely unlikely for a woman to be incel if she had actually taken steps to change that. She would at least found somebody to have sex with her, thereby becoming a semi-incel, but I believe a woman can also easily find a relationship. Don’t confuse incel and hicel The same cannot be applied to men. There are men who have been trying all of their lives, even traveled abroad, and still remained incel.

        • Your point about incel and hicel is well-taken. However, would you say that incels are truly completely non-discriminatory? Again, I hate to use ER as a reference, but he only writes about “blondes” and “hot blondes” and “hot girls.” If he had truly wanted to find someone to have sex with, he probably could have had sex with someone considered conventionally unattractive — overweight, pimpled, socially awkward — but he pursued only his ideal. In your experience, are most incels unconcerned with looks? This question is not meant as a challenge, but a genuine inquiry.

          • I also strongly disagree that women can “easily find relationships.” But it’s almost pointless of me to say so, since neither of us can back up our claim with evidence.

          • Especially, since, as you point out, incel is not merely about sex — would an incel looking for a romantic relationship be willing to accept one from anyone? If not, how low must their standards be before they become hicel?

  5. I’m certainly not a feminist whatsoever, but the idea that incel is party caused due to mental problems of incel does have merit. Ofcourse, this doesn’t mean that all incels have mental problems. (lots of social anxiety disorders have incel issues for example). I’m pretty sure that some mental problems incels develop is partly a reaction of their incel status! (getting depressed because you can’t find somebody).

    Ofcourse, you can also become an incel without any psychological issues, like being poor, ugly, dull personality etc. Whatever the root cause is, it should be tackled with.

    You claimed that therapy’s don’t work because they don’t tackle the underlying cause. I don’t have experience with therapies like this, but if there are indeed no therapies who tackles the underlying cause, then your argument is correct that suggesting therapies is bullshit. However, therapies can change their protocol to suit your needs, so this aveue might be also one possible route to deal with incel issues.

    What i’m interested in also: what do you think is the reason you are dealing with incel issues ? (or did dealt with incel issues ?)

    • “I’m certainly not a feminist whatsoever, but the idea that incel is party caused due to mental problems of incel does have merit.”

      Feminists are not saying that at all. They’re saying that incel isn’t a problem at all and that any problem that you have with incel is actually a mental problem sua generis which actually has nothing to do with incel.
      They fail to understand that such dogmas can kill people. Please, read my post on atheism and TAC. I will also make another one about cult of therapy one day.

      “You claimed that therapy’s don’t work because they don’t tackle the underlying cause. I don’t have experience with therapies like this, but if there are indeed no therapies who tackles the underlying cause, then your argument is correct that suggesting therapies is bullshit. However, therapies can change their protocol to suit your needs, so this aveue might be also one possible route to deal with incel issue”

      There is a possibility that you may fail to understand one thing. After enough time of being incel it creates it’s own problems, incel becomes it’s own main root cause.
      For example, main causes of my incel now are all connected to the fact that I was incel for 10 years.

      This is why it is hard for a therapist, if he can even understand incel and see it as a problem, to target anything.

      “What i’m interested in also: what do you think is the reason you are dealing with incel issues ? (or did dealt with incel issues ?)”

      I wrote a bit about it here

      http://governmentsgetgirlfriends.wordpress.com/2013/05/12/back-and-a-word-about-tumblr-feminist-invasion/

      • Look, I hate feminists as much as you do and some atheists also, but i’m an atheist myself and it isn’t connected with whatever political doctrine. I’m an atheist, strong anti-feminst, evolutionary psychologist, have leftist and right ideas etc.
        I think you will hurt your cause if you go against atheists (cause lots of atheists are young men). You can however go as much as you want against feminists, their opinions don’t count 😀

        I know that PUA is extremely popular in male-dominated fora’s i frequent like bodybuilding.com. There are lots of young guys, atheists and incels (altough they might not view them as incels and probably won’t admit it) there.

        You should export your ideas to those populations as well (4chan, reddit, bodybuilding.com misc section) and really consider laying off those anti-atheist attitudes.

        • I am not against atheists. I was an atheist for almost 14 years. I am against The Atheist Cult.

          The problem is not in whether most atheists are feminists or not.

          The problem is that a large, loud group of atheists is using the atheist name to promote other causes. This is why I no longer call myself an atheis but a non-theist.

  6. I understand and agree to a particular degree. You should make that clear tough, since most people will interpret like I did and think you are an atheist-hater.

    What country are you from btw ? I’m european myself (belgium)

  7. I apologize if this isn’t the proper place to ask this question, but I was unable to find an email/private message option.
    You’ve mentioned several times here (or refuted claims made by others elsewhere in posts written on this blog) the anger you feel towards your parents, and your belief that they have neglected their responsibility to help you with your incel/love shyness issues.
    I would be very interested to read your thoughts on parental responsibility in this issue: for instance, other than introducing you to girls or people through whom you might meet girls, what should your parents have done differently? What advice would you give other parents wishing to avoid the same mistakes?

  8. Pingback: FAQ About “Incel” & GovernmentGetsGirlfriends | Eclipsed Moon

  9. I find I am baffled. Not about the incel thing, I have a few incel friends and it is not a new concept. And one incel who used to be a friend. So my understanding is somewhat accurate.
    “First-wave feminism might have been justified. Second-wave was the corruption of laws pertaining to marriage and the beginning of the criminalization of male sexuality, as well as abortion rights which I am against. Also the beginning of affirmative action. Third-wave feminism, starting in the 1980s is postmodernist denial of human nature and establishment of the totalitarian feminist police state.”
    What are these corruption of laws pertaining the marriage? How was male sexuality criminalized? I find that the majority of individuals who feel as though the newer marriage laws were ones that did not feel as though women should have the right to leave their husbands should they become abusive or practice infidelity. I know my mother’s first husband made it very difficult for her to leave him after he began to beat her, citing a similar quote. Do you believe women should not have this right? I like to assume you are not a violent individual, but one can only gleam so much from the internet.
    Do you believe women do not want/enjoy sex? (you personally, not incels as a whole) Do you believe there are homosexual incels as well as heterosexual ones? Have you ever met one? I feel that might bring forth a new set of limitations and obstacles.

  10. “Feminists do not care about the plight of incel men. They see them as “entitled” while choosing worthless men of modern culture.”

    I am a feminist, however I completely empathise and sympathise with being incel and the varying ways this manifests in life and in turn re-influences life. I wonder, do many incel men have close women friends, or a wide variety of women friends?

    I have known a few guys in my life who could have been incel or would have become so. on the outside they were often closed/stand-offish or the opposite, loud and abrasive ‘know-it-all’ opinionated fuckers 😉 However, I sensed from them a really strong need for closeness and companionship. Someone to listen without judgement, and for someone to see past the wall that had been built around themselves. Some of them just needed physical intimacy and someone who can see that when being sexual people can show the most beautiful sides of themselves. Some just need or would like a woman to talk to outside their friendship circle.

    It would be really nice if more people actually took notice of people around them and were kinder and more open, helping people who want help. Seeing people mocked for being ‘creepy’ when they are not makes me sad. That being said, awkward, very shy or rude/abrasive personalities are obviously not going to attract as many people. But once you break through that wall, you can see they have so much to offer. Ignoring or making fun of such people tends to make those traits worse.

    Hmm… what a ramble.

    • Rushofsun:
      “I was wondering do many INCEL men have close woman friends, &c.”

      No.

      “On the outside (these men) were often closed standoffish or the opposite, loud-abrasive, know-it-all MF’s….however I sensed from them a really strong need for closeness and companionship…”

      c.f. GGGF’s remark: ‘while choosing worthless men of modern culture.’

      “Seeing people mocked for being creepy when they are not makes me sad.”

      Then how can you be a feminist, when to feminists (and feminized women generally), all men are creeps?

      “That being said, awkward, shy or very rude/abrasive personalities are not going to attract many people.”

      A lot of men who actually fit that description have no problem at all attracting women. However, men who don’t really fit it are labeled as such by most women and ignored.

      • “while choosing worthless men of modern culture.’”
        – I don’t understand why you reference this? Can you elaborate? Do you mean they longed for companionship because women chose someone else? Often I found these guys were not very forward, or did not socialise much with women which probably contributed to their need for companionship more than being ‘rejected’ by a woman who didn’t even know they were interested. Why are the men women choose worthless? Most men I have dated have been pretty down to earth.

        “Then how can you be a feminist, when to feminists (and feminized women generally), all men are creeps?”
        – All the women I know are feminist (and from different cultures, countries, backgrounds, ages, sexualities and look different) and they don’t act or think this way re: all men are creeps. This is not indicative of much of the feminism I know. It may be a particular subset of tumblr and so some people think this is how all women/feminists categorise men (we don’t). However people often cling to ideas and tend to reinforce their own bias.

        Maybe not having close women friends is an issue. And indicates to me why someone would have views on women that don’t quite match how things really are. As you know, women are not a monolith and there isn’t a big conspiracy – most people are just trying to get by and it seems to me that men and women are more similar than they are different. That being said, I understand that feeling incel is a fucking horrid way to live. Some of it would be societal norms/socialisation stuff, other parts are down to the individual.

  11. A few questions:

    1) How old are you? I mean, my fiancee was an incel, in fact he (as I) was a virgin at the age of 29 (again the same as me) and, really, he wasn’t so upset about it. We talked about it (he has been my best friend since 2000) and he found ways of dealing with his long celibacy (he is a gamer).
    2) I do not know really likeable guys that are single because they can’t find someone. I mean, i do have very atractive single male friends, but they are singles because they are workaholic and don’t go anywhere where they can find single women. The love of my life was in love with me while I was in an relationship and remain single because of that. So, don’t you think that maybe there are other problems, besides been an icel that makes difficult for you to find a girfriend?
    3) My second boyfriend and my fiancee were (are) REALLY shy. I practically had to stalk them to became friends with them. My point is: if you are nice, smart and funny it doesn’t really matter if you are shy. There are a lots of girls out there and one of them is going to notice you.

  12. The best revenge of a incel men is to live by himself, to live cheap and to do minimal work just enough to support himself.
    Something like a MGTOW.

  13. Don’t give up. INCEL’s are out there and their silent pain is making its way to the surface. .Emasculation is rife. Misandry is rife. Feminism has done a number on men. It has done a number on women. Humanity.didn’t benefit.

    Keep this blog going. Keep active.

    -Angelwanderer

  14. Hello,
    This is Romeo Rose, I just found mention of my name over on GOMI as I was googling myself a minute ago in relation to your Blog here. I just want to tell you that you are a very smart guy. I agree 100% with a lot of your politics. I hate femi-nazis & liberals too! I read where you said you are not a mans right activist & you are pro choice, I guess you & I do differ there. I am against abortion. And I am a Mans Rights Activist. But I still think we agree on more than we disagree on. I just wanted to give you a heads up on those GOMI women, they are nothing but a lot of trailer trash liberal fat ugly femi-nazi women that can’t get laid and they hate us REAL men. You shouldn’t waste your time with them. They will NEVER help you. They will only use you as entertainment. They search out bloggers to criticize, it’s the basis of what GOMI is for. They cyberbully, stalk and harass everyone that has opposite views as theirs. You are just wasting your time trying to explain yourself to them. They will never understand, and most of all they simply do not care to understand. They are the most self righteous ignorant trashy bitches you will ever meet on the internet. I’ve already had to file an order in court a few days ago to get one of the persons ISP & Home info there so that I can sue them for stalking, harassment, libel & defamation, abuse of my copyright & trademark as well as many other things. We will have our day face to face soon. But it’s very time consuming, and I just wanted to advise you it’s not really worth it to get involved with that gang of scum, nothing good will come out of it I assure you.
    Romeo Rose
    Austin, Texas

  15. I’ve never had sex period. At 56 I have no reason to believe
    it will ever occurr. It takes ALL KINDS to make a world, but
    self pity makes it a much worse world.

  16. I am a sixteen year old girl and I don’t exactly understand your logic. Now, believe me, I am very smart and have been offered to graduate early at least twice. My first concern is you believe women should not have rights. I would like to eventually join politics after I graduate from college, and I honestly think I have good ideas for helping my country. However, according to you, I should be at home pleasing my husband sexually whenever he wants and have no say in the government. There have been plenty of matriarchal societies and women in power that have been very successful, so I was a bit disappointed when all of your examples of feminist societies were the last leg of dying state.

    Second, you stated and quoted that the best societies had prostitution readily available and everyone was guaranteed a wife, and these societies were supported by the Old Testament. You also stated that men should use many prostitutes to gain experience while women must stay abstinent until marriage. Finally, you discussed the punishments for cheating wives and their lovers. I apologize for that sounding long and boring; there’s just a lot I want to discuss. Prostitution is not supported in the Bible. Many times throughout the Bible, God destroys towns that are filled with rampant sex between prostitutes, men, and animals. Also, the Bible states that everyone should stay abstinent until marriage, not just women. In your blog, you stated a punishment for cheating was killing the lover and kicking out the wife, while it was more common practice to stone the unfaithful wife. They literally piled stone on top of a woman until her bones were crushed and she slowly suffocated. She was basically buried alive. During these times, a woman could be stoned on the suspicion of cheating with no actual proof and also would be stoned if she was raped. She was killed for being raped, something she cannot control and for the short amount of time she lives, will mentally wreck her. I am a relatively religious Roman Catholic who goes to CCD every Sunday, and these are topics that come up often.

    In conclusion, there are many other things that I noticed that didn’t make sense to me but I am very tired and don’t feel like typing them. Please respond to this, I really would like to understand but this does not sound beneficial to me, my sister, my mother, my godchild, my friends, and many of my family members. To me this sounds like a life I’m supposed to be happy in, even though I am faced with daily systematic abuse because of my gender. I would not want to reproduce in a world like that for fear I would give birth to a daughter, which honestly ruins the whole let’s make society better by increasing smart reproduction thing. I don’t want to sound mean, but I am just confused.
    (I can provide concrete examples if you would like from the Bible and my first paragraph.)

    • ” My first concern is you believe women should not have rights. ”

      What do you mean by “not have rights”?

      “and I honestly think I have good ideas for helping my country.”

      I’m very interested in what these are.

      “However, according to you, I should be at home pleasing my husband sexually whenever he wants”

      That’s an aspect of marriage. But he should do the same for you so what is your point, exactly?

      ” wants and have no say in the government. There have been plenty of matriarchal societies and women in power that have been very successful”

      1. Name some successful matriarchal societies.

      2. Just because a society has a female ruler it doesn’t mean that the society or the ruler themselves are feminist. Do you think 18th century Habsburg Empire or Russia were feminist?

      “even though I am faced with daily systematic abuse because of my gender”

      What abuse?

      “(I can provide concrete examples if you would like from the Bible and my first paragraph.)”

      Please do.

  17. Hey you,

    I stumbled over your blog today and after reading a little, I still got one question and I’d be happy for an answer: what is being an incel really about?

    Is it only about getting sex (which you can easily get in clubs or if you’re too unattractive for that, by paying for it – and I see nothing wrong with doing that) or is it about sex in a loving relationship (and thus love, validation, respect, intimacy and general physical closeness)?

    Because right now, I fail to see the problem… If it’s only about casual, meaningless sex to satisfy your sex drive then there IS no problem. Seriously, even a fat, out of shape, shy nerd will easily find women that want to have sex with him! But if it’s about more than sex, than I don’t see how you think your angry, even hateful attitude towards women will bring you closer to your goal.

    Alauda

    • How sad that there isn’t an entire page on this blog defining this.

      “Because right now, I fail to see the problem… If it’s only about casual, meaningless sex to satisfy your sex drive then there IS no problem. Seriously, even a fat, out of shape, shy nerd will easily find women that want to have sex with him! But if it’s about more than sex, than I don’t see how you think your angry, even hateful attitude towards women will bring you closer to your goal.”

      You might fail to see the problem but I see one. A big one. With you.

  18. Ok, I know I shouldn’t let this comment through and you are banned for severe rule breaking but to comment on some points for interested readers…

    – you claim I am a beta male, but never give a single argument for this. Also, it’s obvious you believe this is somehow a bad thing, when my ideas state that betas have an important place in society, so why would it be bad?

    -you claim there are hybrids but bring no arguments, you claim all incels are betas, again no arguments

    -you state that the evolution is doing fine, with no arguments. It isn’t, since men like you get to use the computer. You see, pal, I am not now nor have I ever been fat. I’ve been slightly chubby some years ago. No longer am but 6ffot3 and pretty lean. A shaved monkey like yourself would also be surprised to know I have in fact bred and have a 2 year-old daughter. So, who is genetically inferior by this criteria? If not getting children is what matters for inferiority than I am correct that incels need to rape, particularly religious women who won’t abort.

    – next you ramble some idiotic lookist points that have nothing to do with reality. Looks are unimportant, muscles are unimportant. You are not incel because you are stupid scum who seduces, as evident by your post. You are much worse than any rapist for anybody can rape but only the worst men can seduce. I don’t need to go to the gym when nothing would be achieved by this anyway since I am not human scum. Then you ramble about some negativity but don’t explain why it would be a problem nor where you see it.

    – you attack my views on rape but again don’t say a word on why they’re wrong (bonus points to those who recognize the irony of you attacking this while supporting Sacred classes like Muslims, hispanics and blacks killing and raping anybody they want, of any age)

    – you say my feelings are abnormal, you again don’t say why. It’s completely abnormal to be forced to rape, to have a girlfriend like I have now but to have to let other men fuck her just because she’s a Westerner who will be fucked by other men anyway. Your example of why they’re abnormal is again not backed up by arguments so I will not even bother telling you why it is bad (hint – what was the alternative?)

    “Please give this a read and have a think.”

    I have, as much as I think about fairy tales. Bad ones. All of them are just fantasy and there are much better fairy tales with actual story and structure. You make no arguments to what you say and you immediately jump to a conclusion I am incel when I am a father and have a relationship now.

    The rest are insults and a completely batshit representation of a coalpha society (hint – women there are treated much better than current women).

    Also, you fail to understand one very important thing. Why do you even think I’d want a anything to do modern Western woman? Do you think this would make me proud? No, it would make the scum of the earth. I would be ashamed if a modern Western woman wanted me. And she’d want me for sex, for sex is all they can comprehend, much like you. Dude, remember this – I WOULD BE ASHAMED IF A MODERN WESTERN WOMAN WERE ATTRACTED TO ME. IT WOULD MEAN I AM LOWER THAN SCUM. Sure, I don’t refuse sex from my girlfriend but she is just 18 and naive and even so I knew she is no good.

    I know this won’t make YOU think but it is what it is. Just so a good nature reader can see what kind of severe rule breaking and nonsense I get on a daily basis. Banned, bye.

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