Darkness 2 – pain and suffering

I read your blog and the first question that came to my mind was: why don’t you take into consideration the fact that there are some women in a similar situation like you?

I’m not writing because I want to argue or to bash you, I’m just trying to understand.

Best wishes πŸ™‚

-Because there are no women in similar situations.

– I am one.

– No, you’re not and I can prove it in a very trivial way. I’d like to be your long distance boyfriend. I am young, tall, handsome and educated.

You see? You don’t want that, so you’re not incel. My point proven.

– Is it really about proving your point? Or would you like to hear my story?

And since we started introducing ourselves: I am not old yet, intelligent, pretty and sincere, btw. Hello πŸ™‚

– I don’t care about your story, honestly, and it is proving my point.

You’re no incel since you could have me as a boyfriend. I am nowhere ugly, old, mentally deficient or poor enough for you to reject me and still be considered incel.

So you’re not incel, you’re simply mocking actual male incels and go fuck yourself. That was my point, which I have successfully proven.

Anything else?

– Well yes, a couple of things:

You’re no incel
I haven’t been in real relationship since seven years so yes, I am.

I am nowhere ugly, old, mentally deficient or poor enough for you to reject me

Where in my email did I reject you? Where did I write you are ugly, old or mentally deficient?

But you know what? I can see you don’t really want to have a girlfriend, you are just angry and you want to prove your point.

you’re simply mocking actual male incels

How am I doing that?

go fuck yourself

I wish but it doesn’t work that way.

Still I’m sending you good vibes if you want to accept them πŸ™‚

– No, the fact that you haven’t been in a relationship for 7 years doesn’t mean you’re incel. You clearly haven’t read my definitions I made on the blog.

You know full well that you could have had relationships and sex during that time if you lowered your criteria. Well, guess what? I can’t afford criteria.

So, yeah, you’re not incel, you’ve never been incel and you’re not incel now. You can come here and meet me/date me/fuck me or you don’t have to, but that won’t change the fact that you’re not incel.

And in fact I don’t want a girlfriend, for one reason similar to why I don’t want to fly or have superpowers – it can’t happen. The difference is that a lack of these latter things won’t kill me but a lack of gf will. However, in terms of possibilities these are the same.

So, yeah, I don’t want to listen to “your story”, since I don’t want to listen from stories of noncel women.

So will you fly here or not? In any case, like I said, you’re not incel.

– And, yes, forgot to say – you’re mocking male incels by comparing yourself to them. You know you could find a relationship today, let alone sex. You’re just too picky. So go fuck yourself. Don’t even bother coming here. A single fuck with some Polish bitch isn’t worth it. If I ever see you irl I’ll knock your teeth out.

– Do you have any shame to say such disgusting, clueless, stupid, horrible shit? I can’t even… HOW DARE YOU?

– Ok you are not just angry but full of rage so I’m not going to discuss it with you. I don’t deserve being called bitch because I am NOT one. How can I be bitch if I don’t have sex? There’s no logics here. And you can’t know if I can have relationship easily or if am too picky because you don’t know me. You would find out if you listened more instead of calling me names and follow blindly your own rules.

I guess it’s because of my gender and you don’t want to see me simply as a human being who may have similar experience to you. I am not against you.

– “How can I be bitch if I don’t have sex? ”

Easy. By being a stupid, careless, vapid bitch. You don’t have have sex to be one.

“And you can’t know if I can have relationship easily or if am too picky because you don’t know me.”

I know what you have between your legs. That’s more than enough. If you can’t understand why you’re either dishonest or delusional.

“You would find out if you listened more instead of calling me names and follow blindly your own rules.”

I don’t care why you’re noncel. I am somebody writing for incel people.

“I guess it’s because of my gender and you don’t want to see me simply as a human being who may have similar experience to you. I am not against you.”

I do see you as a human being. But you don’t have the similar experience to me because you are a woman. You can have sex with hundreds of men by the end of this month if you wanted to. You could find 100 potential boyfriends next week. If you think this isn’t the case there is simply no point in talking to you at all. You have to acknowledge this basic fact of biology.

I am not saying you’re intentionally against me but your nonsense is extremely insulting to any actual incels, including female lesbians, who I feel sorry for as much as men. Unless you’re a lesbian, in which case I apologize. Are you a lesbian? If not, you have no business talking about being incel. Shame on you for doing so.

– You can’t have a girlfriend if you hate women. As simple as that.

If you should ever feel like talk instead of insulting, you know how to find me. I just know what loneliness is.

– No, actually, you can have a girlfriend even if you hate women. There is nothing stopping you.

But I don’t hate women. I hate scum like you who thinks they can be compared to actual incels and their pain.

You’re not incel. I am offering you to come here and I’ll fuck you and be in a relationship with you. And the same thing is offered to you by thousands of men in Poland every day, you just have to ask. So how are you incel?

– So, what? This is your compassion? Are you coming to date me or not? If not, what use are you?



What you are reading is some of the communication I had with two women in 2014.

While it is obvious how I attacked the first idiot, in the case of a commentator JesslynNicole I was much more brutal.

She was planning to come here but told me she has a 13 year-old son from rape.
I told her she gave birth to a rape ape, that she is a proof how rapists are winners in terms of evolution and that I want the rape ape’s head brought to me once she settles here (yes, I virtually meant a severed head).

After she refused and gave me some bs how everybody’s situation is different I proceeded to just insult her by telling her she’s worshiping rapist cock and laugh at the idea that she wanted to come here in the first place (and for good reason too, the fucking idiot asked if there’s a war here). Also, I plainly told her I don’t care about her friendship and that I just want the only thing a modern Western woman can give a man – sex.

It is important to realize both of them are delusional and insane – one claimed to be a female incel and the other one had a harebrained scheme of bringing her sick home-schooled child to a country which doesn’t even allow it.
So in that aspect me attacking these women was quite reasonable.


In former days I’d be civil with such women, even hope they’d one day come and save me from incel hell. But no longer. I lost my nerves to listen to insane bitches like that Polish scum or delusional single moms like Jesslyn. In previous eras they would be tolerated. Now they were blown aside as if they were a piece of straw. I treated them with such deference and showed them that I just despise them.

On Feb 26 last year I published what was often described to me as the most disturbing and depressing text I have ever written, a bleak account of my life called Darkness.

Predictably, most of the reactions were extremely negative, focusing on aspects like me openly admitting that I now regret not killing a certain woman from my past or the fact that I was desperate enough for a relationship and sex with women that I’d even commit illegal actions to get them.

However, there were some people who recognized the text for what it really was – a frightening account of a sane man trying to do good in a world of monsters and suffering heartbreaks that completely destroyed him.

The text describes a woman I wanted more than anything brutally torturing me by arranging 4 meetings she never appeared on, just to tell me it was all torture.
It describes a woman who struggled for months go gain my trust after the previous disaster, only to succeed and break me in an even more horrible fashion.
It describes a humiliation I got from the woman I lost my virginity.
It describes another brutal torture from a woman who offered sex and then faked changing her mind, just for me to, in a situation of complete desmay, post her picture. These crazy acts from her are seen as genuine and my completely human act as coercion or, to some of the crazier lunatics, blackmail or even rape (the idea is so hilarious that the “victim” herself mocks the lunatics, calling me her rapist).

But a sick feminist, liberal mind couldn’t have recognized all of that. It saw this barbarism as my flaws.

Well, from now on I will do the crushing.

For what happened?

Well, in April of 2014 I suffered a horrendous break with all previous lies and finally looked at reality for what it was.
Things haven’t been or will they ever be the same.

For one, I realized something about relationships. They no longer exist. Nobody expressed this better than Cornfed in this thread

There seems to be a lot of talk here about not having much luck dating and forming relationships with females in the West. Well duh. Western females are just public urinals being used by different dirtbags. The idea that it is possible to form a relationship with them is ridiculous. Similarly, dating is a thing of the past. This is because Western females are all sluts trying to increase their slut status among other sluts. Therefore they want to be f***ed by high status men. It follows that perceived high status men will have sluts constantly throwing themselves at them, so they won’t have to date to get sex – they can just take their chosen slut home or to a convenient location to f**k right away. Hence it follows that if you are asking for a date with a female then you are not of high status, so as far as the female is concerned you are a loser she wouldn’t want to date. The slutification of females has rendered dating obsolete as a cultural construct. The only way to score Western sluts is if you get across the message that your only interest in them is to perform the most degrading sex acts you can think of on them before severing all contact and that you don’t really care if they don’t want to because you can easily find some other slut who will.

I was insane for even believing I could have a relationship with any modern Western woman.

But what lead to this really being confirmed?

I have two ex-girlfriends. One of them, who also happens to be the girl who tortured by faking changing her mind, Ia am in constant contact with. The other was much more difficult to get in contact with but I did.

While one of them (the one who it was much more difficult to get into contact) left me the break-up with my second girlfriend was mutual, as the relationship was a hell she’d constantly create.

But I felt that problems in those relationships were quite similar so I asked them. I asked them at the same time – what was the reason they felt unhappy in them? Both of my ex gfs say I did nothing wrong at all, they were just incapable of a relationship with anybody at all and unable to like anybody at all.

They haven’t told me this to suit my feelings. They told me this years after we broke up (one of them left me and the other was just crazy and actually not even heterosexual). Their lives completely confirm it as well, which is much more important than just their words.

Also, while I did only have two girlfriends (of sorts) incapability for feeling even sympathy for men, let alone falling in love, and even less capability for a relationship is something I see in almost all women. They didn’t need to be my girlfriends or sleep with me for me to see that.
I can believe that some older people are in genuine relationships.

But, like I said, every female I had sex with was in a some sort of a relationship or just “out” of it.

Younger women simply don’t understand the concept at all. This is obvious if one visits any dating site. And young modern men aren’t different at all. I mean, after I was told I just want sex thousands of time when I always claimed I want a relationship. This was simply because a relationship is not a concept that can be comprehended by a modernist mind.

So by now they are actually right, but only because I can’t leave to a non-feminist country. I don’t want a relationship with a modern Western woman, just like I don’t want a dog who’ll be able to play chess with me or a goldfish that will sing.

They can say they have a partner for some time but they won’t act like they have one.

When it comes to women who aren’t in some sort of a religion that demands premarital chastity I met maybe one or two who weren’t sluts incapable of even comprehending, let alone having a relationship.

Anyone can say “I have a boyfriend” and go on fucking other guys. I know that because I fucked such women. Three of the four women I fucked had “boyfriends” at the time. Fourth one didn’t simply because he no longer wanted her at the time, which is why she turned to bother me.

Once this realization set in everything else was pretty simple to explain.

Women were disgusted by me even wanting a relationship. All they want is to be fucked and dumped.

Modernist men are same. They have no idea what relationships are. Women are to them holes to fuck. Dick, vaginas, holes, all they knows.

A good example of this is how people define incel as merely a lack of sex. Of course, this is nonsense. The word celibacy doesn’t just define a lack of sex. It can define an unmarried state or a state of single-hood. People using the word incel as a mere lack of sex don’t do it because they’re ignorant of that. They do it because sex is the only thing they can understand.

That’s all. That’s all. My ex-girlfriends both know this and openly say they’re scum. One even said: “We’re shit”.

My only blame is that I treated women like decent creatures able to comprehend a relationship. That’s all. The nonsense you don’t like about me now has nothing to do with the era of 2006-2012, when after which everything was over. I was a feminist back then. I was certainly a feminist until 2012. I might not have called myself that but I had an insane feminist view of equality (legal equality being defined as exactly same rights for completely different genders, which is crazy) and supported various other main feminist policies.

But why blame women? Feminists claim feminism gives women choices. It doesn’t. Feminism, like any other system, works through social pressures. Today’s women are pressured to be mindless sluts and think this is their choice. Well, guess what? Women 200 years ago also believed that patriarchy and being a housewife are their choice. You think a woman has the right to support patriarchy today? I follow several such women and I can tell you their life is what a life of a slut would have been 200 years ago- their employers get contacted, they get doxxed, threatened, harassed.
It’s not a woman’s choice to be a retarded slut who slept with 40 guys before she was 18. Most women would be far happier and wives and mothers.

So what would be the solution for men like me? Long term I don’t see anything but trying to use women like thugs do and get respected for it.

However, this would be extremely difficult and exhausting.

In the past, men like me didn’t need to use seduction. They were guaranteed a wife simply by being good, providing men. Not wealthy, just providing. This no longer works. You now have to use seduction, which I can’t.

I am already in failing health and my prospects are virtually disastrous. I will never get enough money to leave my country for a non-feminist one but even if I had some… where would I go? It is easy for somebody like Franklin to tout leaving the feminist countries, but this is complicated even for Americans. Franklin was extremely lucky to go to Mexico and find his future wife in just couple of weeks. But I know some examples of Americans who traveled to both Colombia and Russia and got nothing.

Of course, it is senseless for me to even discuss it. I’ll never gain enough money to even try, for one simple reason that negates everything – I no longer have a lot of time.

I am old, broken, gone. The idea that I’d find enough money to just try, and I emphasize try, to move to some distant country is vague. Even European options like Albania don’t seem likely.

And that is the tragedy of my situation. I am a hateful being in extreme pain, surrounded by monsters. The idea that I can find a girlfriend is insane. It will be like claiming I can find something that no longer exists nor am I looking for it. I haven’t went on a single date since that April 2014 day. I know now that none would ever work.

Were I to try dating again this would have nothing to do with my previous, humane behavior. A man who can’t use seduction would have to treat women horrendously to even have a chance.

The harsh truth is that there is absolutely no way out for me. It all comes down to the fact I can’t leave for sane places while I am also unable to find a partner here, where feminism destroyed all desire and need for relationships.

My life is over. Had been for a long time. I had the misfortune of being born to decent parents who taught me outdated, redundant values.

My parents told me to respect women and treat them with politeness and kindness I’d show to a fellow human being like me. This resulted in a complete catastrophe and brought incredible hatred upon me. Nobody will ever want me here and if they did I’d be for brutal fucking and nothing else.
My parents had good intentions but were naive and stupid. They just blindly taught me values and behavior that could have been useful in 1985 (and even then not in USA or Western Europe) but was hated in a 21st century feminist country.

Of course, I know the reaction a sick, feminist mind will have to this. A sick feminist mind has no empathy for anybody or anything. Therefore it is dogmatically taught to pretend to have empathy for some chosen groups but even that is a lie.

A sick, feminist mind will, with incredible heartlessness, ignorance and naivety, just say that I must forget all relationships and women. Because, you know, that’s what my ancestors did for thousands of years. But the insanity will get worse. A sick mind will want to me to work to finance slutdom. It will cover it in nice words like “paying for roads, public parks and hospitals”, believing I actually care about those when they’re inhabited by vermin that hates me and all decency.

No, both of these insane ideas won’t happen.

But some important and necessary things will.

3 thoughts on “Darkness 2 – pain and suffering

  1. I was out for a bit with the holiday season. I saw your blog posts. I noticed I keep getting mentioned as a puritan nut. I did want to correct something I want a virginal husband because I see it as a sign of his faith and I think that premarital chastity is right and holy, but I would also be fine if my future spouse had fallen short and I didn’t marry a virgin. To me its not as big a deal, if he has sinned in the past. Just that he accepts and respects that boundaries that I am holding to now.

    It actually just so happens that my current partner whom I plan to marry someday happens to be a virgin. I think its a marvelous thing and I feel much safer in his arms because of that fact. I think the advantage of dating a fellow virgin is that you can still cuddle and kiss without fear that the other person is gonna push things further then is proper.

  2. Pingback: The party is over | CoAlphaAntiModernistIncelBlogger

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