It is over. I will stop looking for women. There is no longer any chance for me to escape loneliness and I must embrace hatred, destruction and punishment now.
The girl from my previous post has rejected me. My last chance came later today when another girl answered my ad but she was just another airhead moron who wanted to talk to me on a cellphone and said I’m too quiet because I couldn’t giggle at everything like an idiot the way she did.
My best chances were likely gone by 2004. That was the time to lose my virginity, screw around and have a girlfriend. I had brilliant chances but I wasted them all by being too scared to meet these women face to face. I was in deep, deep trouble by early 2005, before I turned 17.
My two successful dates happened in 2007 and 2009, while I was very shy, inexperienced, both a virgin and a love-shy. Hell, during that I barely even knew how to kiss and my experience amounted to no more than 3-4 dates before the first success and 5-6 dates before the second.
Why, then, did I fail to achieve any success in 2013? This is the year in which I had many comparative advantages. Two most important ones come to mind
1. At the beginning of 2013 I was no longer love-shy and no longer a virgin.
2. I went on dates with more women than any time previously. Actually, with more women that those pre-2013 combined.
Despite this my only success was a friends-with-benefits relationship with a disgusting, mentally ill woman and one time sex I had to pay for. In terms of a relationship, WHICH WAS MY MOST IMPORTANT GOAL, my result was zero out of twenty five !
What are the reasons for that? How could this be explained?
Well, I think that the main reason is time.
In over 10 years time has transformed my circumstances from great to atrocious.
These SMS flerts are no longer full of women. Due to me getting older I’m forced to talk to women who are getting progressively more older and thus more jaded and picky. I am losing my youthful looks and stamina.
While most men are more attractive at 25 than 16 or 19 this isn’t the case for me because of three main reasons
1. My experience with relationships/sex isn’t much greater than when I was 16 or 19.
2. Since I never approach in real life I depended on something that is now gone to show my attractiveness at all.
3. Unlike most men, I have had terrible experiences during the last 6-9 years, and they can be seen in the way I look, talk and act in general.
Like I said in point 3, most men don’t have such circumstances and are thus usually more attractive at 25 than 16 or 19.
But not me. My weariness, frustration, desperation and years of deprivation can be seen on my face, the way I walk, everything. And this is one the reasons why I now have less success than when I was much more shy and inexperienced.
Of course, that is just one of the reasons. Not all of the reasons have to do with me. During these 10 years women of all ages have turned worse, thanks to the advancing idiocracy and I am also forced to deal with older and older women, who are, like I said, jaded and picky, unlike the teenage girls from 2003-2004.
And this is why I can no longer find anybody.
Some time in October I was fantasizing about moving abroad and finding a wife there but that is just fantasy. I am too poor for that and always will be.
I am forced to die alone and I’m giving up.
But my giving up won’t mean that I’m now turning to anything positive in life. That is not possible. Relationships and sex aren’t nuisances but good things. By giving up on even looking for them I am giving up on my life in general.
I must repeat what I said in the beginning – I must embrace hatred, destruction and punishment now. I must concentrate on punishing society now. There will be no mercy for I have been given none.