My thoughts on Shy Boys: IRL

I remember Sara Gardephe, who was still in college at the time, coming to Love-shy.com and announcing her idea that she wants to make a film about incel and love-shyness. She said she was to interview many people and the whole project seemed quite ambitious.
Years have passed and I have not heard of the film for a long time.

It now seems that it’s been on Vimeo for over an year. It looks like almost none of the ambitions maker of this film started with actually came to life.

Simply put- my opinion on this crap is that it sucks, even for a student film. I don’t mind the incomplete definition of love-shyness or no distinction made between incel itself and people who are called pure incels at the beginning of the film. I have a problem with the film itself. It’s really, really bad.

Things I didn’t like

1. Almost no discussion about what incel/ls are and what they do.

2. Unnecessary inclusion of PUA themes in the film. A stupid decision. Incel/ls are already large and complex subjects, no need to include that at all.

3. A couple of odd assholes nobody’s ever heard of making fools out of themselves (guy with a pirate hat?!).

4. Too many scenes with guys in a room or on beds. There’s even a semi-naked Advanced. Seems like a slumber party or friends hanging out. Not good for any documentary film.

5. THE GREATEST PROBLEM I HAVE WITH THIS – The most prominent character of the film is an idiot who was a laughing stock of the forum and never took it seriousy !! A far cry from what this film promised to be about, as Sara G even wanted to interview fschmidt, aka people who are actually interesting, unlike that UrbanWhiteTrash moron. That lunatic is allowed to hold long monologues, walk around acting like a complete jackass and is even filmed singing not once but twice.
The sound of his voice while he’s narrating his fantasies combined with his phantasmagorical drawings make for a surreal scene.

6. There is a part where Kyle says “I agree that women are people” and Advanced says that’s bullshit. Some feminists and TAC members have already attacked the film for this. Of course, I don’t mind them, as they would never be benevolent toward us anyway, since their brains have sucked up misandry with their mothers milk. But it really looks bad even to moderate people.
It should have never been allowed on the film.

There are some things I did like but mostly because I saw unfulfilled potential in them:

1. Difference in how Advanced and Michael see reasons for their incel. While Advanced is probably the most extreme “pure incel” in the world, a person with many friends convinced that it’s his looks that are the problem Michael is an example of an awkward, nerdy love-shy guy.
But the director didn’t really explore their polarity so all they were left with are a couple of short, vague sentences.

2. Michael’s meeting with his ex-gf who, if I recall, he lost his virginity with before she left him, which made him suicidal, was kinda interesting. Didn’t expect her to be that chubby, though, lol. Most people, especially noncels, won’t see it that way but I also thought it was somehow poignant. She’s now married and he hasn’t had a girlfriend for 10 years after they broke up, which is when they meet in the film.
It was pretty sad when she told him he has a pretty good life. The hell he does.

22 thoughts on “My thoughts on Shy Boys: IRL

    • How was what? The forum? I’m still a member of both incel forums. I might compare them one day.

      • Yeah, this video at least brings some of the dramatis personae together. Tell us *your* opinions on the love-shy forum. Its worth a blogpost even im guessing

        • I will make a post comparing love-shy. com and incel support some day but I have other plans for new posts now.

  1. On page 64 of his book, Gilmartin writes, “By the way, THIRTY-SIX PERCENT of the 300 love-shy men studied for this book had given serious consideration to taking their own lives. Zero percent (nobody) of the 200 non-shy men I interviewed had ever given any thought to suicide, and none had ever experienced frequent bouts of depression.”

    This is why the government needs to be aware of incel and love-shyness. You should inform your readers.

  2. The film came across to me as another anti-male diatribe; designed to make all men look like fools and INCELs as ‘losers as can’t get laid.’ Of course, the females were all depicted as valuable prizes actually worth competing over—that was a VERY questionable premise.

    I cannot help but wonder how much of INCEL and love-shyness wouldn’t be better defined as reasonable prudence and caution? Look at the sheer number of relationships which have ended in disaster for the man: divorce, broken homes, abuse, depression, suicide… I don’t know what the PUAs in this video thought they would accomplish when all most other men accomplish is having their lives ruined.

    IOW, Incel and love-shyness seem to me to be reasonable responses to the low quality of modern women and the dangers inherent in associating with them. Rather than seeing it as a problem to be solved, most men would benefit by NOT expending their efforts on females of such dubious characters.

      • Anon:
        No, I think that most women have serious issues; and men, for their own safety, shouldn’t assume otherwise.

    • Here’s an idea. Maybe men and women are exactly the same?
      You get some horrible women, you get some horrible men and the opposite is also true. You talk about the “low quality” of women, about how victimised the men are, maybe you should change the sexes round in that sentence and ask if you would want to associate with a woman that said that sort of thing? After all theres always two sides, if it happens to one sex chances are it happens to the other.

    • Actually I had a lot of empathy for these guys, and while sometimes they said some off things, I can feel they are coming from a place of hurt, rejection and isolation. it is not a nice place. Not having a partner or closeness for long periods of time can is some ways be seen as ‘abnormal’. Humans are social creatures, and have a great capacity to love. When someone is not able to express that, it obviously has negative affects.

      I actually thought ‘Advanced’ was quite attractive, cute, lovely features, great hair, it was more his personality that seemed abrasive. I think that with a girlfriend and some love, his guard would come down and probably soften his ‘wall of personality’. A wall that has been built for self protection. Michael was lovely and reminded me of my cousin in looks and in personality. He seemed very genuine and I can see it has been hard for him socially to reach out. The PUA guy was the most off-putting, because he spoke of women mostly as a prize, rather than actual people who can be friends and partners.

      I would like to see more, an have genuine hope for these guys!

  3. Pingback: Not-getting-any-itis: Shy Boys: IRL | Be Young & Shut Up

  4. I like Michael. He’s super cute and shouldn’t have a problem getting a nice girl. UrbanWhiteTrash is a complete asshole, and, contrary to his stated beliefs, can and only will get ‘low quality’ trashy women. Based on this vid, these guys seem to think too much about what women don’t want and seem to know what all women want. There are many different types of people, women and men, and not everyone has the same agenda, or even an agenda as perceived. Seriously tho, this urbanwhitetash is nauseating and SHOULD NOT seek to ‘help’ anyone. Gross.

  5. Hello, Some input from a girl here : )

    I’d like to explain the problem here – in evolutionary terms reproductive success is determined (in the case of mammals) by sexual selection among other factors. You can observe this in virtually any species of mammals from Buffalo to Wolves but it is especially apparent in primate societies (like ours). Sexual selection is the means by which the best genes can be passed on and the weaker genes discarded – the process works both ways – in some instances the females actively select the males (often the case with primates) and in some instances the males compete for a harem of females – in some instances both of these apply with the happy result that over millions and billions of years of evolutionary history this method of hereditary succession has enabled life to thrive and advance. In our species we have had a mixture of both of these selection pressures – individuals and societies have made choices as to reproductive fitness and paired accordingly.

    The problem in your case is that you are not a prime specimen by any definition, in evolutionary terms you are a weak male – insecure, with mental health issues and physically frail looking – us girls don’t all have the same tastes but generally your mixture of problems is generally likely to mean that girls don’t select you voluntarily as a serious partner. I should add that even in the pre-feminist era you would have had a hard-time because of these issues but it would be a combination of individual and societal (the girl’s family, for example) that prevented you from finding a partner.

    The problem with your idea of government-intervention is that in the simplest sense it goes completely against evolution – imagine what the world would look like if every weirdo maniac could be provided with a willing or unwilling breeding partner! No, the system we have works the best, it ensures that the best genes will pass on – which, for you, presents a new way of thinking about this that is a bit more optimistic! Think about the improvement you are making to humanity by not attempting to pass your genetic defects to a new generation – you are on your own because you are a vain, narcissistic, envious, and conceited person who exhibits definite elements of psychopathic behavior towards others (such as blackmailing someone for sex etc) – in other words you are EXACTLY the type of person that SHOULD be alone.

    You can reduce certain things to empirical facts – in this case you are assuming that your quality of life is of greater importance than those of others without realizing that government help in providing “mates” would simply result in a new generation of problematic dysfunctional people who would otherwise simply remove themselves from the gene pool or at the least, fail to contribute. Because you have the narcissistic traits I mentioned above you feel your ideas etc are worth a lot more than they are – I can only sympathize with your condition and assume that your choices are limited and that it is best for you to accept that it is best for society that you do not contribute your genes if you are unable to do on a level playing field and without external assistance. If this existence causes such agony for you then I would suggest that you simply castrate yourself to remove the cause of your suffering. Think about these things in evolutionary terms and everything makes sense – and because sexual selection is such a versatile tool it doesn’t matter what form the society takes – just that you don’t rank at the bottom.

    All the best! : )

    All the best! : )

    • I call troll!

      Anyway, not like I’m voicing support for GGG here, but the moment humanity invented fire and started to take control over his environment and his means of acquiring food, all natural evolutionary pressures have ceased to exist for humanity.

      In other words, we control our evolution now. So if we followed your logic and all the crazy people did “the right thing” and not reproduced, then why do we still have crazy people and hereditary defects? You would think that as a female, your senses would tell you who’s a hemophiliac or which guy will be prone to pattern baldness. Yet we still have bald people and people with genetic disorders around.

      Some food for thought.

  6. Besides wanting to point out that you’re being pretty inpolite by bashing your fellow forum members, whatever forum that is, I want to make a general comment about your blog.

    You seem to mostly focus on incel men rather than women, even though in the first world where these liberal values (that you find to be part of the cause) are thriving, statistics say that there are more single women than men. Have you made a post dedicated for them?

    • I think the reason why most incel men won’t talk about single women is because of the perception amongst incel men that women would rather choose to be single and have their pick of the litter in the pool of available men or concentrate on something else like their careers.

  7. Hey, this is Sara Gardephe. I actually agree with you on a lot of the criticism, not all of it, but I think quite a bit could be better. Also, a lot of the parts that you didn’t like were mostly due to the fact that not a lot of the forum members wanted to be on camera, so that naturally selects for more boisterous characters. I’m trying to raise funds for a feature-length version, and I would also like to ask both Rammspieler and Governmentsgetgirlfriends to be in it. I’m 98% sure I know who you are on the forum, but I won’t say in case you don’t want that info public. Will you check out my Kickstarter and let me know what you’d like to see in the new film? Thanks, and let’s talk soon!

    • Believe me, Sara. I’m mulling over the possibility of being in it. I think you will have a much harder time trying to get more guys to be in it though, now that they saw the short and feel somewhat insulted by it. Plus, the newer crop of posters over there are the most cynical bunch yet.

      • I figured that a lot of people over on the forum aren’t overjoyed about the film, but I’m not sure how much of that is influenced by the internet reaction (which, of course, is always going to be pretty harsh). To be somewhat scrutinized or even mocked online is going to create a knee jerk reaction and I wonder if watching the film on it’s own, outside of the internet conversation, would have altered their perspective a bit. That said, there are a lot of problems with the film that I’m desperate to remedy, and would love the forum to be more intimately involved this time around. Would it be possible to further discuss your participation, or even just your opinions on the film over email? My email is saragards@gmail.com. Talk soon!

      • Myself and my friends found it a really human production and didn’t think these guys were a bunch of jerks at all. Internet commenters really distill a negative and brash view. IRL (ha!) people like me can empathise, sympathise and see that these guys are similar to people we know (male and female) and in some ways even like me (I know the sting of rejection, and often feel ugly or unloveable). I’d love to see a more nuanced doco, and please get ‘Advanced’ back!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s