My thoughts on Shy Boys: IRL

I remember Sara Gardephe, who was still in college at the time, coming to Love-shy.com and announcing her idea that she wants to make a film about incel and love-shyness. She said she was to interview many people and the whole project seemed quite ambitious.
Years have passed and I have not heard of the film for a long time.

It now seems that it’s been on Vimeo for over an year. It looks like almost none of the ambitions maker of this film started with actually came to life.

Simply put- my opinion on this crap is that it sucks, even for a student film. I don’t mind the incomplete definition of love-shyness or no distinction made between incel itself and people who are called pure incels at the beginning of the film. I have a problem with the film itself. It’s really, really bad.

Things I didn’t like

1. Almost no discussion about what incel/ls are and what they do.

2. Unnecessary inclusion of PUA themes in the film. A stupid decision. Incel/ls are already large and complex subjects, no need to include that at all.

3. A couple of odd assholes nobody’s ever heard of making fools out of themselves (guy with a pirate hat?!).

4. Too many scenes with guys in a room or on beds. There’s even a semi-naked Advanced. Seems like a slumber party or friends hanging out. Not good for any documentary film.

5. THE GREATEST PROBLEM I HAVE WITH THIS – The most prominent character of the film is an idiot who was a laughing stock of the forum and never took it seriousy !! A far cry from what this film promised to be about, as Sara G even wanted to interview fschmidt, aka people who are actually interesting, unlike that UrbanWhiteTrash moron. That lunatic is allowed to hold long monologues, walk around acting like a complete jackass and is even filmed singing not once but twice.
The sound of his voice while he’s narrating his fantasies combined with his phantasmagorical drawings make for a surreal scene.

6. There is a part where Kyle says “I agree that women are people” and Advanced says that’s bullshit. Some feminists and TAC members have already attacked the film for this. Of course, I don’t mind them, as they would never be benevolent toward us anyway, since their brains have sucked up misandry with their mothers milk. But it really looks bad even to moderate people.
It should have never been allowed on the film.

There are some things I did like but mostly because I saw unfulfilled potential in them:

1. Difference in how Advanced and Michael see reasons for their incel. While Advanced is probably the most extreme “pure incel” in the world, a person with many friends convinced that it’s his looks that are the problem Michael is an example of an awkward, nerdy love-shy guy.
But the director didn’t really explore their polarity so all they were left with are a couple of short, vague sentences.

2. Michael’s meeting with his ex-gf who, if I recall, he lost his virginity with before she left him, which made him suicidal, was kinda interesting. Didn’t expect her to be that chubby, though, lol. Most people, especially noncels, won’t see it that way but I also thought it was somehow poignant. She’s now married and he hasn’t had a girlfriend for 10 years after they broke up, which is when they meet in the film.
It was pretty sad when she told him he has a pretty good life. The hell he does.

I got my first FAQ and it’s pretty great (later, an example of how not to do it)

An objective FAQ on my blog? Done by a woman on a “misogynist” like me? You better believe it !

A girl writing a blog called Eclipsed Moon does it right… at least most of the time

I first saw this girl post about me on Twitter. The start was less then promising, as the comment was Insane MRA Thinks the government should find him some poon-tang. I initially though this is just another feminist scum so I wrote a short insult and forgot about this, thinking she will too.

Well, it now seems that I have misjudged her completely. Not only did she did not forget but she wrote an excellent FAQ on me and the blog.

She did make, however, make several mistakes I will have to explain now.

1. Her question number 4 states, among other things In posts within his blog he identifies as love shy

I haven’t been identifying as a love-shy since 2011, when I finally managed to beat it.

2. Her question 5 has two mistakes.

Katherine claims
I do not believe he literally hates all women. I believe he is frustrated with women who do not have any desire to have sex with him.

While it is true that I don’t hate all women (I hate evil people of both genders) I am not just frustrated by women who don’t have any desire to have sex with me. I am frustrated by my general inexperience and inability to find a partner for a romantic relationship.

Her second erroneous claim is I believe that he is angry at feminists because he is constantly being attacked by them.

Feminists have indeed made attacks on me. However, this is not what made me hate feminism. Feminist have made those poorly though out attacks misconstruing my position exactly because they are vile people. And even if they didn’t attack me at all feminism would still be an evil, misandric ideology followed religiously by TAC.

As for everything else, this FAQ is pretty great.

And we now come to something less great.

I will show you an example of how an average Tumblr feminist does it. Mind you, unlike Katherine she did not try to make a FAQ but I will present you with this just to show you how an average Tumblr feminist reacts to me.

This Tumblr feminist has something to say about me.

PSA: The “Incel” Movement
TRIGGER WARNING: the following brief description of the blog (linked below for reference) includes references to rape, incest, and misogyny. Please be safe; the blog mentioned below will (or should) infuriate and depress anyone who believes in women’s rights.
That being said, I cannot in good conscience allow this blog to exist without voicing my disgust and repulsion towards the absolute sociopath who runs it. I had hoped that this was an elaborate troll, because while still appalling and massively disturbing, it would all be a truly repugnant and inappropriate “joke.” After some further reading, I have come to the conclusion that this man is being sincere.
https://caamib.wordpress.com is a blog run by an anonymous man who believes that his “involuntary celibate state” entitles him to government remedy. I’ll say that again to drive the point home: this horrifying asshole thinks that because he cannot form normal emotional attachments with others, specifically women, his government MUST use tax dollars to find him a girlfriend. And of course, she can’t be “fat”, “ugly”, or “dumb.” He has attempted to meet women using dating sites, a text messaging service, and has actually demanded that his own mother have sex with him because of his “condition.” When she refused, he referred to her as a “murderous whore” – the murderous bit coming from his sincere belief that his parents, by not finding him a suitable mate, are slowly killing him.
I don’t know what to say, tumblr. I don’t know how to express how violated and disgusted and depressed this has left me. I don’t want to push this feeling on anyone else, and I don’t tend to use this platform to discuss my deeply personal thoughts, but this can’t be ignored. I can’t sit back and refuse to discuss this. This man represents everything that is so inherently WRONG in our society – that a man feels so entitled to a woman’s body and emotions that he petitions his government to provide a mate for him He is below an animal.
This can’t be permitted to continue. If someone wants to write a better response to this, please do so. But PLEASE, raise awareness of this despicable blog and its sociopathic owner. Please, women of tumblr, feminists of tumblr, women’s rights activists, supporters of any or every or no gender, HUMANS of tumblr, please help me in bringing attention to this repugnant movement and its terrifying supporters. Please help all of us by passing this message along. Please take a stand.

I would like to show me appreciation of her effort by using her own words in a slightly different context.

PSA: The “The Atheist Cult” Movement
TRIGGER WARNING: the following brief description of the movement includes references to murder, psychopathy, and misandry. Please be safe; the movement mentioned below will (or should) infuriate and depress anyone who believes in not letting people die in agony.
That being said, I cannot in good conscience allow this movement to exist without voicing my disgust and repulsion towards absolute sociopaths who runs it. I had hoped that they are elaborates troll, because while still appalling and massively disturbing, it would all be a truly repugnant and inappropriate “joke.” After some further reading, I have come to the conclusion that these “people” are being sincere.

The Atheist Cult are a movement run by an anonymous and less anonymous sorry excuses for people who believe that their involuntary celibate state entitles involuntary celibates to be lonely, frustrated, hurt, depressed and suicidal. I’ll say that again to drive the point home: these horrifying assholes think that because some cannot form normal emotional attachments with others, specifically women, their government MUST use not tax dollars to help them but should let them suffer and die. And of course, this is because they’re “fat”, “ugly” and “dumb”. They have attempted to shame incels on forums and blogs and have actually demanded that incels should be locked up because of their condition. When incels refused, they turned to doxxing and harassment – this coming from their sincere belief that incels, by refusing to shut up and live with enormous pain, are deserving of violence.
I don’t know what to say, WordPress. I don’t know how to express how violated and disgusted and depressed this has left me. I don’t want to push this feeling on anyone else, and I don’t tend to use this platform to discuss my deeply personal thoughts, but this can’t be ignored. I can’t sit back and refuse to discuss this. This cult represents everything that is so inherently WRONG in our society – that people feels so entitled to ignore other people and let them die that they shame and bully people in extreme pain. They are below animals.
This can’t be permitted to continue. If someone wants to write a better response to this, please do so. But PLEASE, raise awareness of this despicable cult and its sociopathic members. Please, remaining sane men and women of the world, please help me in bringing attention to this repugnant movement and its terrifying supporters. Please help all of us by passing this message along. Please take a stand.

Free speech – a right not reserved for retards

I allow dissenting opinions on my blog.

What I don’t allow is

– saying that incel is nothing but a lack of sex
-saying I want government funded prostutues
-vicious personal attacks
-discussions on my location and data
-extreme idiocy

These things have increased in quantity after my blog got linked on Jezebel and some other liberal sites.

And this is why your posts get edited and many of you banned. You are insane scum.

Also, from now on if you post my supposed dox or anybody’s dox at all your IP and e-mail will be published.

Cult of therapy – a dangerous death cult created by TAC

The Atheist Cult, or as I like to call them, TAC, are the most dangerous cult in the world. The sole fact that it is more loosely connected than organizations like Hitler’s SS was or like Al-Qaeda is makes it even more dangerous than these two ever were. The Atheist Cult will stop at nowhere to destroy their perceived ideological enemies. Not even these two organizations were that ruthless and extreme. Worse, TAC is simultaneously led by much dumber people.

It is a cancer on humanity, a cancer pretending to be progressive and enlightened.

These people have been divorced from any empathy, common sense and intelligence, spreading their deadly poison to Western civilization they will eventually be executioners of.

Like crazy lepric 11th century preachers, these mad dogs are anything but atheists they proclaim themselves to be. They gods are therapy, extreme feminism, political correctness and hatred of all white males.

One of the greatest lies told by The Atheist Cult, a group the most vile and stupid human beings, if we could even call them that, on the planet is a lie that therapy is a solution to almost any emotional problem.

Rarely is this lie more dangerous than when it comes to incel and love-shyness. These monsters, who see psychiatrists as gods instead of charlatans they are, are so irrational that they will defend the existence of idiotic, made up psychological infliction like personality disorders while simultaneously denying the existence of easily observable and much more strictly defined states such as incel or love-shyness. Rational? As much as a mad dog.

Why is this myth so dangerous? I see four main reasons.

1. Most doctors don’t know or care about incel or love-shyness. I’ve tried talking to them about it. It was a waste of time. Being a psychiatrist doesn’t mean you suddenly understand all varieties of human condition or care about your patients.

2. Most of the time incel isn’t strictly caused by psychological problems. Causes of incel are much more complex, not only in the fact that they mostly start in childhood but due to the fact that enough years of incel cause problems that perpetuate it. For example, if you are incel long enough, especially an incel male, your inexperience with women will be a problem in itself.
Doctors can’t treat issues like low social status, bad looks, shortness or just the fact that women don’t see you attractive.

3. We’ve established that therapy rarely cures incel. Does it make living with it easier? Yes… if you were a serious mental patient to begin with.
Normal people don’t come to terms with incel. Incel is involuntary. Incel is highly abnormal and harmful. Incel kills. It has killed many people already and kills more every day.

If you ever meet a therapist who wants to teach you to “live with incel”- GET AWAY FROM THAT PERSON AS FAST AS YOU CAN! Their either don’t know what incel is or have way more problems than you will ever have. Don’t ever let somebody treat you as a robot. You’re not a robot. You’re not a worker bee. You don’t owe anybody shit, especially not people who never lifted a finger to help you.

If you talk to TAC members many of them will try to convince you that incel is perfectly normal and that a woman being stared at on a bus is more worthy of pity than a man who has been incel for 30 years. Of course, in the end you always find out that that they or the examples they talk about are not incel at all and have a completely wrong definition of it.

I will repeat – INCEL CAN NEVER BE NORMAL. NOT IF YOU ARE A NORMAL PERSON. IT IS HEALTHIER TO GO ON A SHOOTING SPREE BECAUSE OF IT THAN LIVE WITHOUT RELATIONSHIPS AND UNPAID SEX WHILE NOT CARING ABOUT IT.

A HEALTHY HUMAN BEING IS NOT A ROBOT OR A WORKER BEE.

TREATING CONSEQUENCES OF INCEL WHILE THE INCEL ITSELF IS LEFT UNTREATED IS LIKE TREATING A FEVER ON A CANCER PATIENT. INCEL IS A PERFECTLY VALID REASON FOR DEPRESSION AND UNLESS YOU REMOVE THE REASON YOU WILL NEVER TREAT THE DEPRESSION.

This, of course, doesn’t mean that depression can’t develop in non-celibate people too but I’m talking about depression in incels.

4. Now that we have finally established that therapy is completely useless with incel I am left wondering what would incels get by seeking therapy. Palliative measures like drugs to numb them down?

If that were only the case.

In fact, incels in therapy are often faced with much danger. Their therapists, not understanding what incel is and how it causes their patient’s psychological problems, will look for a solution by inventing more and more diagnoses and write prescriptions for more and more meds.

In the end it all leads to a logical conclusion – you will get locked up for too much sincerity. Therapists, especially those in the Anglosphere, will see many of the problems that develop from incel as some other pathology and lock you up. You feel your incel will make you violent? You need to be locked up. There they will drug you and talk to you in a condescending tone about problems you don’t have. You will eventually be set free, if you get set free at all, without any of your problems being solved. In fact, time spent in a mental hospital will mean time you couldn’t use to pursue ways of beating your incel.

Why, then, does The Atheist Cult propose therapy? Apart from obvious reasons such as its dogmatism and stupidity there is another very important reason. The Atheist Cult doesn’t see incel as something that exists at all. And once you’re unable to see that you can talk about incel all you want, even accept that it exists, but you will not take incel as a factor at all.
Also, The Atheist Cult have no sophistication, empathy or intelligence at all. They are blind to a problem and become aggressive when you refuse to be a silent drone because they don’t understand why can’t you be. They will rudely and mercilessly tell you to become a robot. Therapy is just their way to dehumanize you even further.

Most of The Atheist Cult are not incel. Those who are really incel but are fine with it are mentally ill. It is not surprising that a considerable number of such mentally ill people are members of The Atheist Cult for no sane person could join The Atheist Cult so it is not surprising that many members of it are deviant when it comes to emotional attachments and sexuality.

Where will all this lead? I see this sickness leading to a new Sodini. He may not kill only women this time but that doesn’t matter at all. He will be a monster of The Atheist Cult, somebody they will rejoice about for it will allow them to cry about his patriarchal conditioning and entitlement and this will make them feel better.

The Atheist Cult members are looking forward to more dead people.

Then again, if you know that The Atheist Cult believes that therapy could have helped George Sodini or because toxic masculinity, and not 20 years of frightening frustration, is what caused him to do what he did… Is it any wonder?

Until, one day, they or their loved ones find themselves under a hail of bullets.

Replying to dar’s questions

Dar asked me some interesting questions about the program recently so let’s see what I have to say

“I have a few questions about your program. Answer or not, your blog.

First, what kind of women do you see signing up for this? Attractive, educated, intelligent? High quality women? I know you personally prefer that type, but will enrollment be limited to this type of woman or will fat, ugly dumb ones be accepted as well? How much money would it take to attract high quality women to the program? If it’s enough to entice the kind of woman you would like, wouldn’t it also entice women who just want to collect the money and move on?”

All kinds of women will be accepted. Obese women could be accepted but people who don’t want to date them might be warned.
Things like ugly or dumb are extremely subjective, as is the term “high quality women”.

I don’t think many women who are extremely good looking or financially well-off would join. However, that is not a bad thing – such women are usually outside of any incel’s league anyway.

As for women who only want to collect the money and move on I have explained that women who don’t find a partner within 30 dates get fired and barred from the program for a year, for they might be potential scammers.

“Second, you mention “…If she doesn’t find a suitable partner…” within the 30 dates you envision. I think you may have an unrealistic expectation of what women would want out of this. You say in the comments above that women are seldom incel but rather hicel. Do you think that women in this program will be without relationships and wanting to develop one with an incel, or that they may already be involved with a suitable man, and are just collecting a paycheck? Will there be background checks to make certain that all women are unattached? If they meet a suitable man while still signed onto the program will they be fired?”

Like I said, women who don’t find a partner within 30 dates get fired and barred from the program for an year, for they might be potential scammers. However, I think most women who do apply would really be searching for a boyfriend.

It’s not practical for the government to make background checks to see if the women are unattached. If they meet a suitable man while still singed onto the program OUTSIDE THE PROGRAM they have to report this. Of course, they might not do it but it would be senseless not to do it as they would be paid the same sum anyway.

“Third, will there be a screening process to weed out men and women who are mentally or emotionally unsuited for this type of encounter? A history of violence, mental illness, animal cruelty, criminal behavior, inappropriate relations (think underage), etc…, would that be enough to disqualify anyone? The safety of all involved would have to be a major concern for a government-sponsored program. What safeguards would be in place?”

Yes, there would be a screening process made by psychiatrists and psychologists.

Mental illness shouldn’t not prevent anybody from signing up unless they’re too sick to care about themselves. Many people have mental illnesses like depression or personality disorders nowadays.

Past criminal behavior would exclude you if you committed certain crimes like murder, acts of more serious violence, child abuse etc.

“Last, what happens to incels themselves in this program? Let’s say, hypothetically, that a man goes on 30 dates with 30 women, and for the sake of argument that they are all reasonably attractive and intelligent. No fatty, missing-toothed idiots, but all women a man might reasonably be attracted to. He thinks there’s been chemistry with 15 of them, but in 30 dates he hasn’t even gotten a second date with any of them. Since women are not required to provide sex, wouldn’t this hypothetical man be even more frustrated than before? What of one who thinks he has finally met the woman of his dreams, only to be told that she’s dropping out of the program because she met a great guy and wants to move in with him? Are there safety measures to prevent these men from becoming worse than ever?”

I can envision this happening to some men but I can’t think of any safety measures except for psychological screening once you apply.
However, I don’t think this would be such a big problem. There would always be other women for such men to date.

Stuff you describe usually happens because men feel like they have no chance of getting another woman.

“Just a few questions that leap to mind. Oh, and what does TAC stand for? I don’t read reddit or tumblr.”

TAC stands for The Atheist Cult. I have described TAC here

https://caamib.wordpress.com/2013/03/04/quo-vadis-atheism/

Hello, angry Tumblr SJW feminists

I noticed that my I’m talked about a lot by the crazy Tumblr SJW feminists again. In fact, I’ve been discussing with them a lot over the last 24 hours.

It has to be said that I now understand why Tumblr SJW feminists are considered to be the craziest feminists on the entire Internet, so much that they have an entire subreddit and many videos and articles dedicated to them.

So, most of these stupid morons commented on something I wrote on Reddit. Let us see it.

Completely reasonable posts to any rational, sane person.

But not to Tumblr feminists.

Despite the fact that the posts explicitly say that these program would not force women to do anything and that they don’t break any human rights more then 2,000 insane feminists have re-blogged this, leaving idiotic comments on how I want to force women into having sex with men they don’t want to have sex with or how I’m comparing women to restaurants.

So, crazy Tumblr feminists, I feel compelled to address some things you have said.

1. My program doesn’t force women to do anything nor is it about sex. Please read https://caamib.wordpress.com/867-2/

For example, a program for incel says

Government should offer women money to go on blind dates. These women would freely apply for such program, as would incel men. Every woman would have a limit of 30 dates. If she doesn’t find a suitable partner during those 30 days she will be fired to prevent scammers – however, she would be paid the full sum, as would a woman who finds a partner during one of these 30 dates.

Using this program, many involuntary celibate men would get their first date or improve their chances of finding a partner.

You see? No coercion at all.

2. The comparison with civil rights is a valid one. It is all explained in the posts you yourselves quoted. The first post you have quoted, however, says that this situation can’t be resolved by forcing all women to be with any man who wants to be with them but through a non-coercive program.

3. All your rambling on Nice Guys ™, friend zone mentality or other phrases you use is highly inappropriate, as I’ve never claimed to me a nice guy or anything else. It shows, more than anything else, that you’re just a bunch of brainwashed robots who can’t even debate the actual points.

4. Therapy is useless for incels. It hasn’t been able to help me in 10 years, it has never helped a single incel I’ve met. Your cult of therapy is dangerous.

5. While it is true that I called some women on Tumblr bitches, cunts and other names that has nothing to do with misogyny. I use gendered insults for idiots of both genders because I don’t care about PC. You might as well call me a misandrist. Yet you never do. Why is that? My guess is that you hate men.
Women I insulted weren’t awesome women who stood up for themselves but crazy bigots willing to let incels and other innocent people die while they repeat their silly phrases.
On the other hand, I was nice to all the women who were nice to me, even if they did not agree with me.

I hope many of you will see this post. What I am, unfortunately, less hopeful about is the idea of many of you seeing the errors of their ways.

Back and a word about Tumblr feminist invasion

I wrote this 4 days ago

I was fucked from day one. I was bullied as a child, hung out with dorky people all of whom were male, was extremely love-shy as a teenager, which made me miss some crucial chances (namely, it made me to frightened to meet a girl I talked to online or via sms irl until I was 18, which is a disaster that has fucked me up for life), prone to depression, withdrawn and smarter than almost all other kids.

All of it a recipe for disaster.

When I was 19 I met a girl who was absolutely swept away by me. Due to inexperience and bad luck I made a horrible, tragic mistake which probably cost me my last ticket to normal life.
For, though I did meet another girl who liked me little less than 2 years later, I was unable to have sex with her. Too anxious to initiate. Here we return to that missed chance I mentioned- if I hadn’t missed that chance I would have sex because that first girl would surely initiate it. Instead I ended up in a relationship where, though there was great understanding and this this girl is the closest thing I’ve ever had to a soul mate, I became more and more unhappy because we kept putting sex off.

I know, I should have done it with a prostitute before and we could have still been together… who knows. But it’s pointless to think about that now.
In the end, she left me in horrible circumstances. I think those July 2010 events are really the final thing that made me lose my mind in a way. I was never healthy or normal again. She brought light back into my life after the first trauma, just to turn the switch off forever.
I was basically becoming more and more devastated until I lost my virginity in 2012.
But right now I’m more devastated than ever. Though I have had sex with 4 women now when I was a virgin no more than an year ago two of these women I had sex with once or twice. One of them just messed me up and even more due to her unstable personality and the fourth one is my fuck buddy.
I realized I should have lost my virginity long ago, and that I will be having problems, probably for a lifetime, due to the way my life has turned out.

For example… Physical consequences like the lack of penile sensation.
Mental consequences like the fact that I’m seeing women who would like me as priceless goods (it’s a comparison, manginas and feminists, I don’t think they’re goods), which they are in a way because I can’t find one to like me. Like the fact that I’m notably bitter and weird to most women even if I don’t tell them anything I talk about here, or the fact that I’m extremely attracted to high schools girls because they kinda represent what I lost in my teenage years (they’re legal here).

All of this will probably never go away. I mean, it might, but only after years of a very happy relationship (which is quite unlikely) or great successes with many beautiful women (if anything, that’s about 100 times less likely than the possibility that I will find one girl I will be happy with, so unlikely that I am certainly more likely to win the lottery, while I theoretically have more chances of finding the right girl than winning the lottery).

I was kinda happy with my life this year. I suffered a breakdown late last year but found the energy to try again. I started going out, went on a lot of dates, found a friend with benefits, started visiting some debates I really liked etc. I didn’t even care about the fact that everybody but my friend with benefits rejected me, or that even she didn’t like me enough to want to be my girlfriend.

I can honestly say that the period from January to early April of this year was the time I was happiest in maybe 10 years (and I was still in elementary school 10 years ago, before all this hell started).

But constant rejections, now amounting to over 15 just this year, at one time no less than 4 in one week, in often very brutal and unfair ways, like that girl who kept saying she likes me for 5 days after the date just to reject me completely no less than 24 hours before our second meeting, started getting to me.
This last date, where a girl didn’t even reject me but simply told me about her life and the mass of things she has to do or her plans to go abroad was the straw that broke the camel’s back.

Due to exhaustion, disappointment and extreme heat I came home a broken man and took a bunch of sleeping pills just not to think about it (as it later turned out, the pills were out-of-date, but I didn’t notice before I took almost all of them).
When I did wake up I felt even worse. My chest was tight and it hurt like hell. I was already very weak. Spent my birthday, a beautiful spring day, alone in bed with my pain, weak and ill.
I finally could no longer stand the pain so I took a lot of pain meds, even talking stuff against menstrual pain my friend left there.
I became very ill, shaking, nauseated, sweating, puking. Luckily, I called somebody who got really worried and that person called the hospital and they picked me up.
They did a bunch of tests on me, saying I probably initially had a massive anxiety attack and OD’ed on the meds later. They even did a LP, due to which I can barely walk, sit up or lie on my back now now.
They sent me home on Monday and I even felt well enough to go somewhere today but had to go back home early as I felt sick. Didn’t have nausea but felt extremely weak and a bit dizzy.
I don’t think I’ll be going anywhere anymore this week.

The point is, I wanted to die. I want to die now. My life has been nothing but a huge failure in almost every aspect and I suffered a lot during it. I mean, the last girl I’ve attracted was my first gf, the one I never had sex with. That was in the spring of 2009. And even she was never really in love.
I know my fwb will be here for me when and if I ever get well again but that’s only because she’s a simpleton. Any other person would drop me ages ago.

All of this anguish is why I closed the blog for public until further notice. I can’t debate with people now, especially when I had a Tumblr SJW invasion to deal with while I was extremely ill. That made me feel so powerless and frustrated, 25 comments in less than 24 hours and I couldn’t reply to any because my condition was getting worse by the hour. I also didn’t want to just ban everybody, though some comments made me ban people immediately after the never published first comment. I just can’t deal with that crap now.

Also, I won’t go to a therapist or take any anti-depressant/anti-psychotic medication anymore. Fuck that shit. I mean, I may go see another therapist in June but I don’t want anymore pills.

The problem is, I am extremely discouraged to go on with my crappy life after this. I don’t have the energy. All I have is a horrible feeling that crises such as these will increase in severity and length as I get older.
For example, no way in hell I’m able to keep a job if I know that anything traumatic with women will fuck me up for weeks, months. I won’t even bother applying. I’ll finish college this year and that’s it.
Who will finance me, for how long and why- I don’t know.

Back to that first girl I had a chance with, that girl from the mythical July 1, 2007 meeting- I remember my tears about her in September 2007. It’s now obvious, more so than ever before, how right I was to cry about that missed opportunity. I knew just what I had missed. I was 19 but knew what I had done to myself by missing a chance with her. Subsequent events have proven that missing a chance with her was the greatest mistake of my life. Unlike my fear caused by love-shyness when I was a teenager, this is something that I could have avoided but didn’t.
I remember myself on Sept 1, 2007, crying desperately and in fear, knowing exactly what kind of a mistake I have done and that it will cost me immeasurably.

Anyway, I am still not psychically healthy but have decided to keep the blog. I was never gonna delete it anyway, just considered if I will have the strength to write again.

I noticed there was a recent Tumblr SJWs invasion. Being very ill at the time they started appearing I just skimmed through them and though that most of them could be kept.

I now see how wrong I was. Tumblr feminists are without any doubt the craziest feminists in the world, worse than any Atheism Plus feminist I have ever encountered. Though the post beginning me to dox but not to rape that cunt cracked me up.

Their posts were absolutely insane. Approving them on my blog would be like coating it with shit.

So, Tumblr SJWs, I haven’t bothered to ban all 20 or so of the e-mails but your insanity will always reveal itself and prevent you from posting here.