Fucking cunt

On days, like this
In times like these
I feel an animal deep inside

This girl replied to my ad about 3 weeks ago. We started talking on gmail, as she had no msn or Skype profiles. She seemed beautiful, she seemed smart. But then she told me that she’s in a relationship. I asked her what she’s gonna do about it and she said that she wants to break it off.

I didn’t contact her for the next day or two and then I ended up in a hospital for exhaustion and dehydration. I had my cell phone by me but didn’t bother, thought I was gonna contact her when I feel better. And so I did, once I left the hospital after a few days. She immediately told me she broke up with her now ex-boyfriend the day after our first talk but that she’s giving up because I haven’t talked to her for a week. When I explained what happened she apologized.

We arranged to have a meeting on Friday, April 12. She cancelled it because her ex contacted her again. She was confused. I tried to explain my situation to her in a tone that was full of understanding but also kinda stern, warning her about how it’s not fair that I get treated this way. She called me and said I’m right and that she needed to hear something like that.

We met on Monday. It was pretty interesting, though I didn’t feel any chemistry immediately. But that was ok- she said none of her relationships started with immediate chemistry and only two times I had chemistry on a first date was with a girl who was really aggressive and practically offered herself to me on a silver platter and a girl who wanted nothing to do with me on a second date because she was kinda… weird. I told her how I like history, about my life in college and she told me about herself and her work in a store. It wasn’t a very long talk, under 2 hours. We parted with a mutual agreement to see each other on Sunday, when she’ll be off from work early and we will be able to talk for a longer time.

During the next few days we talked every night on Gmail. Nothing seemed to go wrong. She even seemed more eager than I was, saying how she’ll bake me pancakes and make me happy. During this week I experienced several ugly events and finally told her about it two night ago, saying how some people can really be mean as hell, thinking about nothing and nobody but their own whims. I also honestly told her I’m afraid. Afraid that she’ll reject me or that I won’t want her enough on Sunday for her to want me. She comforted me with long posts that seemed sincere.

We didn’t talk on Friday night, I was busy with something else. And, for some reason, I started getting a really bad feeling.
This morning she told me she doesn’t want to force anything so we shouldn’t meet at all. According to her, it was over.

I asked her if she was aware that we made a promise about seeing each other on Sunday, not a promise of being in a relationship.
I asked her why she acted like everything was great after Monday.

She replied that her intuition is telling her that something is wrong and that she didn’t quite like me from the beginning but didn’t want to hurt me.

I was amazed. I am still in doubt whether or not her posts between Monday and Thursday were genuine or not. They seem to be.

Despite all my pleadings and attempts to convince her of the otherwise, she doesn’t want to meet me tomorrow. She says that “there are other girls”.

I’ve had over 15 failed dates this year. 2 of them were with girls I liked, and they didn’t like me, something I didn’t thought possible till about a month and a half ago – I thought there is either mutual attraction or no attraction. And I still soldiered on.

But this…. This is something nobody has ever done to me.

And this is something I will not let go like it never happened. From the time I see her tomorrow till whatever happens next. This is disgusting behavior.

I don’t feel entitled to anything. I just feel angry and sad. I don’t think I’m entitled to see her tomorrow. Nobody entitled me to that. I just need to. Even if there is no hope I need to show her that actions have consequences.

This is something I won’t just let go.


WARNING- comments criticizing my reaction and intentions are allowed, but particularly nasty stuff, especially from feminists and manginas might at least be moderated. Insane stuff and any talk of me committing criminal activities will just get you permabanned, first post or a regular commentator, I don’t care. So if you want to get banned, probably without anybody but me seeing your nonsense, go ahead.

Depending on the reactions I might do everything from updating on the situation to even deleting the post.

On why this blog is worth it

Couple of hours ago  I asked my incel friend about  why he’s so much in favor of me deleting this blog and why is he so hostile towards me because I don’t want to. He is a good guy, decent, honest, smart, with mostly libertarian views on economy and a bit on the right when it comes to social matters. We used to get along great before but  I honestly thought he hates me by now.

He replied with: I don’t hate you, I just think you’re irresponsible. Risking bringing attention to your real identity is reckless. There is zero chance your agenda will succeed. Therefore you are recklessly risking your well being for no possible benefit.

I think my reply is worthy of creating a post about it : I know what I’m doing is dangerous. It is very likely that I will  get hurt one day because of it. This first dox attempt didn’t succeed because they had no real info about me at all and because I knew the info on the person who wanted to dox me so she couldn’t mess up a life of a person she erroneously thought was me. I know it might be different next time. I worry about it a lot. I might suffer a lot if some lunatic succeeds. You think all kinds of  trolls haven’t found out about that blog by now? They have. And I am scared. My enemies are insane. They want to punish  a person who wants to help people in severe agony by not violating anybody’s rights just because these ideas don’t fit their insane agendas and dogmas.

However….

You see, I think you’re wrong about chances of my agenda succeeding. 

For example, have you looked at incel communities in 2006? I did. They were nothing. A wasteland.  No posters, no registration needed, 10 registered posters per community, one post every month or so. Almost all the topics were about extreme Gilmartian love-shyness. 

Who would have guessed that those places would even ever have moderators one day, that you’d need to actually register to post there or that they would ever develop such rich history?

My point being – things change. Every movement started off small. 

Who even knew about incel 10 years ago? 5 years ago? Most people don’t know about it today.

The difference between what you guys want and what I want is that you want to talk about various issues endlessly and do nothing but sit on your asses while actually want to change things.

Can you really be sure that, with the development of technology, especially Internet, the word “incel” won’t be widely known in, like 5-10 years?

Can you really be sure that in 10-20 years incel organizations won’t appear? Or that, in 30 years, these organizations won’t start asking something from the government?

Well, I can’t. And I think neither can you. I believe you oppose this because of your right wing attitudes more than because you’re sure that these things won’t happen.

You never know. You just don’t. 

You have learned a lot about many of the guys here since you joined. Most of them have been going nowhere for years. They don’t get dates at all, they’re just grumpier and angrier with each day month and year that passes. And you know that many of them have tried to change, to become more attractive and to get a woman. They failed. Most of them failed completely and are failing every day.

There are incel blogs out there. Some just writers are just whining, others offer solutions.

But there is no blog like this one.

And to destroy something which might be the first ever incarnation of an idea that could become a real social and political issue one day, the first blog talking about incel with a goal of actually making it beatable for many, many people…. I think it would be wrong. 

Despite the dangers I am well aware of.

Dear friends at ballp.it

I am breaking my silence to address a bunch of trolls whose lame forum you can’t even see without registrating  but that’s ok, it won’t be a long post.

Though I would kind of like to post on your forum I have no intention of paying 10 bucks to do so. So I’ll just make a few quick comments on your bullcrap.

The woman I addressed on my blog wasn’t addressed in that way because she mocked me on Tumblr. She did that before I told her the story of an animal I am still doxxing to this day everywhere. I told her that story after she said she wants my personal info, which she would then spread online. I may not have much of a reputation with my online nickname, but I do care about the reputation of my real name.

I didn’t attack my parents after my mother refused to have sex with me. I attacked them after they verbally attacked me for my lack of motivation due to what was by then 9 years of incel, also trying to grab my head in the process.

My program isn’t about government mandated sex and to see that you only need to read it and have a reading comprehension of a 10 year-old.

I am neither a loonie or a troll. In fact, I’ve never lost an incel debate in my life.

I am also not an MRA and my posts don’t deal with MRA issues. So, the person calling me an idiot is obviously an idiot himself/herself.

Once again, Jessay didn’t just call me a loser. She wants to dox me. And if she does so I will destroy her online reputation because I know pretty much everything there is to know about her when it comes to doxxing, including her DOB. She is a person who said she wants to commit what are criminal acts in my country, a SJW vigilante and a complete fool.

My defenses are always different and deal with what the person debating me actually said. It’s not my problem that most of these horrible, horrible arguments are so insane that they could only be told by the radical feminists of The Atheist Cult.

If you have any questions feel free to ask me anything here. And you won’t be charged 10 bucks for it.