On days, like this
In times like these
I feel an animal deep inside
This girl replied to my ad about 3 weeks ago. We started talking on gmail, as she had no msn or Skype profiles. She seemed beautiful, she seemed smart. But then she told me that she’s in a relationship. I asked her what she’s gonna do about it and she said that she wants to break it off.
I didn’t contact her for the next day or two and then I ended up in a hospital for exhaustion and dehydration. I had my cell phone by me but didn’t bother, thought I was gonna contact her when I feel better. And so I did, once I left the hospital after a few days. She immediately told me she broke up with her now ex-boyfriend the day after our first talk but that she’s giving up because I haven’t talked to her for a week. When I explained what happened she apologized.
We arranged to have a meeting on Friday, April 12. She cancelled it because her ex contacted her again. She was confused. I tried to explain my situation to her in a tone that was full of understanding but also kinda stern, warning her about how it’s not fair that I get treated this way. She called me and said I’m right and that she needed to hear something like that.
We met on Monday. It was pretty interesting, though I didn’t feel any chemistry immediately. But that was ok- she said none of her relationships started with immediate chemistry and only two times I had chemistry on a first date was with a girl who was really aggressive and practically offered herself to me on a silver platter and a girl who wanted nothing to do with me on a second date because she was kinda… weird. I told her how I like history, about my life in college and she told me about herself and her work in a store. It wasn’t a very long talk, under 2 hours. We parted with a mutual agreement to see each other on Sunday, when she’ll be off from work early and we will be able to talk for a longer time.
During the next few days we talked every night on Gmail. Nothing seemed to go wrong. She even seemed more eager than I was, saying how she’ll bake me pancakes and make me happy. During this week I experienced several ugly events and finally told her about it two night ago, saying how some people can really be mean as hell, thinking about nothing and nobody but their own whims. I also honestly told her I’m afraid. Afraid that she’ll reject me or that I won’t want her enough on Sunday for her to want me. She comforted me with long posts that seemed sincere.
We didn’t talk on Friday night, I was busy with something else. And, for some reason, I started getting a really bad feeling.
This morning she told me she doesn’t want to force anything so we shouldn’t meet at all. According to her, it was over.
I asked her if she was aware that we made a promise about seeing each other on Sunday, not a promise of being in a relationship.
I asked her why she acted like everything was great after Monday.
She replied that her intuition is telling her that something is wrong and that she didn’t quite like me from the beginning but didn’t want to hurt me.
I was amazed. I am still in doubt whether or not her posts between Monday and Thursday were genuine or not. They seem to be.
Despite all my pleadings and attempts to convince her of the otherwise, she doesn’t want to meet me tomorrow. She says that “there are other girls”.
I’ve had over 15 failed dates this year. 2 of them were with girls I liked, and they didn’t like me, something I didn’t thought possible till about a month and a half ago – I thought there is either mutual attraction or no attraction. And I still soldiered on.
But this…. This is something nobody has ever done to me.
And this is something I will not let go like it never happened. From the time I see her tomorrow till whatever happens next. This is disgusting behavior.
I don’t feel entitled to anything. I just feel angry and sad. I don’t think I’m entitled to see her tomorrow. Nobody entitled me to that. I just need to. Even if there is no hope I need to show her that actions have consequences.
This is something I won’t just let go.
WARNING- comments criticizing my reaction and intentions are allowed, but particularly nasty stuff, especially from feminists and manginas might at least be moderated. Insane stuff and any talk of me committing criminal activities will just get you permabanned, first post or a regular commentator, I don’t care. So if you want to get banned, probably without anybody but me seeing your nonsense, go ahead.
Depending on the reactions I might do everything from updating on the situation to even deleting the post.