It was winter, late 2003. I was a very shy and a very depressed high school junior with bad grades, a single friend and much difficulty adjusting to much higher demands of high school. I was also hopelessly afraid of girls and absolutely convinced I will never ever have my first kiss. It sure as hell didn’t seem possible at the time. Anyway, I was talking to this one guy at the time and mentioned this problem a lot (actually, why I talked to him is a fascinating story in itself but might be told some other time). So, he said – “Gggfs, try sms flerting. I’ve managed to get a date within hours couple of times. You’ll get some slut to suck your cock eventually”. He was pretty raunchy at times.
Anyway, I tried it but…. I forgot to mention I was also a very stupid kid. First months of trying this were a complete mess. I’ve talked to many girls, most of whom didn’t even live where I did, which meant I would never be able to meet them irl. While this seems insane now you have to realize that I was just a confused kid who enjoyed talking to some girls for the first time in his life. I just liked the attention, while actually not thinking about meeting somebody in real life.
It wasn’t until April 2004 that I started looking for girls from my town exclusively. The first girl I started talking to was really dull and stupid, which was obvious from her every message. I am now glad we never met because I know exactly what type of a person she was and don’t believe her type is able to change – she’s probably a similar person today. But that was not the reason we didn’t meet – I simply didn’t see it as an option at the time.
But I went on. I met this 17 year-old girl who told me she slept with 50 guys and 2 girls in her life. Her second message to me was “Let’s meet up and fuck”. I reacted by throwning the cell phone under the couch in panic. Yeah, I was that fucked up.
Not more than a week later, I met another one. This was a nice girl, at the tender age of 15, like myself. She really wanted a boyfriend. I knew I would never gain the courage to meet her in real life so I told her we can only be friends. “You’ll never have a girlfriend with that attitude ! But, ok, your choice, if you don’t want to be with me there are others who will !!”
Yes, I was that fucked up.
Not much happened until October, when I met Her. This girl had sms sex with me the day I got her number just because I wanted it. And she was really, really nice and liked me. She would call me out almost every weekend. Then she told me she lied- she wasn’t 16 but 14. Didn’t matter much. I would occasionally reply, but more often delete her messages without reading them, feeling perverse pleasure in doing so. Her last message was from January, 2005 “Message me when you find the time” .
Yes, I was that crazy.
Today, I see this as one of the most painful mistakes of my life. Not as painful as the 2007 tragedy because I never met this girl in real life, unlike the 2007 one, but I feel sick whenever I think about the whole thing. It was pure insanity. Sometimes I google her name, which is pretty uncommon, but still common enough to find dozens of them. And that’s all I have, her name and the year when she had graduated high school. Which high school, I have no idea, as she wasn’t going to one when we communicated.
Of course, nothing good could have come out of something this sick.
While I finally managed to meet a girl in real life in 2006, and had a brilliant chance in 2007 which I will never get over, as there will never be such chemistry again, it’s obvious my disaster was started in 2004 by a series of insane moves brought on by the phobia of girls I had back then, which can be traced to childhood harrasment and being friends with boys exclusively until I was about 18 – hell, that was the first time I talked to a girl in real life for a longer period of time!
I talked about this with my last girlfriend, the only real girlfriend I’ve ever had. Yeah, the one I “blackmailed” and “raped” so much she wanted to be with me after it happened.
Anyway, she had this idea – why not pretend you’re, like, 17 again on an ad? And that you’re looking for girls that age.
Frankly, I don’t like this idea very much. I don’t know any teenage girls today but what I see on the streets, buses, bars and Internet forums is appalling. I’m pretty certain it wasn’t this bad 8-9 years ago. Also, teenagers tend to be even dumber than most people are. Still, there are some smart teenagers around. The smartest girl I’ve ever met (and dated for 8 months) was 16 when we met and 17 when we started dating.
I still haven’t decided if I should try this idea. But if it’s the next best thing to going back to late 2003 maybe it’s not so worthless after all.
WARNING- any discussion that might come out of this will NOT be about the age of consent nonsense. It’s considerably lower here than in most of North America and I’m not interested in any girl younger than the current limit. If you engage in discussion about that your first post will be deleted, and if you continue you will be banned.
Retarded comments on creepiness of it are allowed.