Well, it seems like I have a date arranged tomorrow. Like I’ve been telling my resident manginas here, there was absolutely no problem once a kind, serious and mature person replied – it was arranged in less than an hour. This happened because, like I was telling manginas, I do my best not to act desperate and more educated, intelligent girls appreciate the fact that I have some brains. Unfortunately, despite having a great talk with a pretty attractive girl I am almost certainly setting myself up for another frustrating failure. It’s not hard for me to think of several reasons…
1. It’s not that long since I got out of a mental hospital. Though my stay was short my nerves are still shit and I spend most of my days home, on heavy medication. I really don’t think I am able to appear normal.
2. My pale, tortured, haggard, and, due to medication, very bloated look and eye bags anull my otherwise pretty solid facial looks. Plus I have a shitty haircut and don’t have a beard, which usually looks great on me. I’ve also gained a shitload of weight.
3. My desperation can be smelt. What alleviates my desperation a bit is the fact that I’m talking to another girl who I’ll likely meet next week so she’s not that crucial, but still…
4. I’m pretty pissed about what happened today. Two girls replied to my ad yesterday, one of them this girl I’ve arranged a date with. I’ve added them both on facebook, adding this girl I’ll see tomorrow two minutes earlier. I wanted to talk to one of them and apologized to the other girl, saying I was currently busy. Today I see she removed me from friends and said that, after the extremely bad experience she had yesterday with some guy on that site, she realized she was insane to even try dating like that. What the fucking fuck?! Stupid immature bitch. And what the fuck could have happened to her through some stupid messages? I sent her a message explaining that she should just have ignored the idiot and that I’m not like that, as I met several girls that way but she didn’t reply. I might try again with a longer message but I don’t have much hope. Anyway, this is an extremely bad sign. Whenever something like this happened it was followed by new trouble.
5. I have extremely low social status. It will eventually become a problem, even if we end up in a relationship. Women are extremely wary of entering relationships with total strangers.
6. I feel like my best times are gone. I should have had dates at 16 but was too afraid. I had one magical date at 19 which I never got over and one more good date in 2009, but nothing compared to 2007. My life energy is gone. The fact that I’m no longer shy with women at all doesn’t go in my favor because I’m too old and exhausted now. I will never be that young, strong boy again. That boy had a terrifying phobia of women but it didn’t matter. He was better looking, had more energy and was less damaged. If he had settled his life at 16 he’d do just fine. I’ll write about that later.
Me being what I am now nobody will ever be with me. It’s too late. And this date will be a failure. For the first time, I am absolutely sure of it. I just hope it won’t be too unpleasant.
EDIT- found out she’s a daughter of a famous local psychologist. This explains her good manners and education, but could only spell trouble for me. Damn.