I realized that I will never be trusted by any psychologists and will never get help from them. They could only harm me. I remembered the film Terminator, first part. In it humans and machines are waging a war in the near future. Since the machines are about to lose to humans led by John Connor they send out a terminator into the future, a machine with a mental skeleton under human skin and parts of tissue, to kill John Connor’s mother Linda so he could never be born. On the other hand, humans send Kyle Reese, a human soldier, to protect John Connors future mother from being killed by the Terminator. They both arrive to her at about same time and a shootout ensues. Kyle gets to Linda first but is unable to convince her of the truth before more shooting occurs and the cops get involved, capturing Linda and Kyle while the Terminator escapes. In police custody Kyle is laughed at by a shrink and most of policemen for claiming he is from the future. He says that no matter what that Terminator is out there, will wade from them and rip Linda’s heart out. Of course, that same night Terminator comes to the police station and kills all the policemen, with Kyle and Linda escaping and the film goes on.
That scene in a police station pefectly describes my situation. I feel like Kyle Reese. I understand that the shrinks think I am crazy for saying that it is the responsibilty of other people to find me a girlfriend just like they fought he was crazy for saying he is from the future and that there is a Terminator out there. But that Terminator really is out there , it is called involuntary celibacy and it is lethal.
Shrinks are my enemies, though I understand why they don’t believe me. That’s why I’ve even been institutionalized. They just don’t acknowledge the Terminator. They will eventually have to. Their only sensible solution is to either find me a girlfriend or lock me up forever and keep me in highest security department to prevent me from killing somebody because I know I will never get out anyway.