Worst date of my life, on empathy and some facts about my situation

I feel extremely noxious about writing this post but just have to do it.

Well, I had my first sort of a date in 2013 and it turned out to be my worst first date ever, to a point where it was downright scary for both.

We met online, soon figured out we are living really close to each other and arranged a meeting. I wasn’t impressed by her looks, though they were quite above the acceptable minimum. She is a very dedicated musician, seemed smart, I couldn’t say if I had a bad feeling about it or not…. Intuition was never something I could rely on.

So, we sat down and start talking about our parents, how she moved so near me, about her instrument. I immediately noticed that she was very emotionally and intelectually robust, as well as the fact that there was no chemistry.  She simply somehow seemed repugnant in romantic context. I could not imagine kissing her or even touching her hand. I told her that I don’t see her as a potential girlfriend after some 10-15 minutes and she immediately agreed.

Soon after all hell broke loose. I was in a very bad mood that day and told her about my goals of wanting to write a book and then kill myself. And then all hell broke loose. She became very aroused, angrily saying I’m putting her in an uncomfortable position, that she doesn’t want to feel any blame and that I will surely never see her again. I tried to explain that it has nothing to do with her. I even repeated that I do not like her as a potential partner and that this is not some silly tactic to make her be with me.

Eventually, I asked her to listen to my story. She did, stopping me at one point during the part of my story on the early days when I was still too shy to even meet girls IRL, noting I’m extremely sensitive and asking me if I had any trauma with women before that, which I said I didn’t. She also interrupted me several times with bullshit like “There are many men who can’t approach women”.

As I was nearing the end of the story the atmosphere grew more and more tense. She was getting visibly agitated, not as in scared but angry and annoyed at me. When I finally finished I could barely ask for her opinion, as the tension grew even more and I basically shortened the final part a lot.

Her opinions simply stunned me. She started by claiming she thought something unimaginable had happened to me if I wanted to kill myself, and that made her so scared she wanted to leave right away. However, now that she heard the story she’s amazed I could be so selfish and egoistical because not only have many people suffered through worse (that famous “hungry kid in Africa” fallacy) but that she’s been through worse. And, of course, we are to never see each other or communicate again, which I was by that time completely in agreement with. When I tried to explain that I’m currently in a very bad condition because those SMS dating services are now gone she said I should go on trying on that dating site… yeah, the one where you either get no replies or replies by low quality women who don’t know what they want. And that I should  think about college more.

I honestly didn’t know what to say. I was too shocked to say more about why I am so fucked up now or  ask what she’s been through but would surely get no answer as she was already on her way out, visibly annoyed, disgusted and tired. Her voice saying “Goodbye” was full of derision.

I was very upset by all this. I knew she will certainly remove me from her friend list on Facebook so I did it myself first, sending her an angry message wishing she could never play her instrument again while retaining healthy hands and eyes, so that she might see what real problems are. She blocked me, as I expected.

What was all that about? What could she go through that could have been worse than my problems, which often incapacitated me for months, years? What was so much worse than going without a single kiss for more than 2 years while wanting it like crazy? Cancer? She passed every year in college up to now and spent her  days going to classes and nights playing in orchestra. Both of her parents were alive and working, as was her brother. She had no health problems I could notice and seemed really healthy. Only time she mentioned her problems was when she said how her profession is full of competition.

In all probability, she was just another regular woman who didn’t understand incel at all. I know very well how educated, intellectual types who don’t understand react. They react with disgust and empty phrases. Less educated or intelligent people people won’t react like she did – they will either try to give you honest, if naive, advice if they’re good natured or insult you or critize one aspect of you as that is the only cause of your incel. I’ve seen reactions similar to hers on forums and among several doctors. But I never had to chance to experience it after such a long conversation, face to face, with a person so close to me in age.

All of it was truly depressing and shocking. I remember a date I had in July 2011, with a fat girl who laughed just too much and by that point in the date we already agreed that there was no chemistry so I was free to tell the story. She listened to my story and didn’t react as this person did. Instead, she listened with interest and encouraged me later. She was not depressed about it or cried or anything, she just didn’t stop seeing me as a human being once I told the story.

So, yeah, she really is a cold, rude person. Unless something worse really did happen to her, but was it really that bad if she managed to turn out that good? I know there is no way to measure these things, but I am almost certain she was just a terrible, terrible bitch.

EDIT- facts on dating using mobile phone/Internet….

Looking for a girlfriend alone is hell for me – in about 20 dates I had since 2006 one was a stunning success in which I made the girl fall in love completely, one was pretty special, however not in romantic terms at that moment (we got together later, though) and 3 were pretty good each in their own way. I was only in a relationship with 2 out of these 5, and one of them was sexless while the other one was long distance.

Other 15 were various variatons of failure.

I had two dates in the spring of 2006 (both horrible failures), a date which was eventually first among three in summer 2006 (explained here), one date in late spring 2007(failure),  two dates in early summer 2007( one a stunning success, one a complete and expensive failure), two dates in 2008 (failures), one date in  April 2009 (which started a series of complicated events- I didn’t try with any more women or go to any more dates from that April, even before we started dating in November 2009 till we broke up), three dates in 2011 (one a sort of success, but not the right person for anybody, a weirdo), two failures.

2012- three failed dates, two successful ones and had sex with both girls more than once but if you consider the amount of time I’ve invested in dating after finally resolving to at least lose my virginity that year (I’ve spoken to at least 100 women) and the fact that both of these girls were toxic, spoiled trash all in all it was still a really frustrating experience.

Such amount of failure means that leaving me to deal with this on my own is a bad idea – my success rate is low enough that I am almost constantly angry and years go by without me finding a girlfriend.

EDIT 2 – to see just how hard it is to get a date using that site take notice that my last date before this was in late July 2012. I did have a girlfriend for a month a half in the meantime but before I did I was trying really hard to meet women, even more so after we broke up.

An example of a letter to my government

This was written last year

It has been eight years since I’ve been aware of my attraction to women and five years since I’ve managed to arrange my first date. During that time, I was unable to attract most women for a longer period of time and my successes were always followed by painful mistakes and mishandling I was unable to rescind. 


These unfortunate events have brought immense suffering upon me and my family.

It is now the eight year of my involunatary celibacy, a condition both painful and demotivational in every aspect of my life. This is why I request the following

a) that the government of this country find means to find me a girlfriend within the next 2 weeks

b) that this transaction is to happen without anybody being forced into having a relationship with me, with appropriate people giving me skills and introducing me to interested girls

c) that this is to be done under discrete circumstances.

 

I have yet to receive a reply.

An example of my ad – guess the number of replies

There’s this dating forum which enables you to make ads inviting other people to send you PMs. So, here’s my add, compared to most of them which are like “32, non-smoker, looking for a girl”.

About me- a guy, 24 years old, born and living in -xx-, 6feet2,  around 175 pounds, dark-brown hair and eyes. Quite intelligent, educated, tolerant, realistic, with good manners. Non-smoker, drinking only socially, I like to go to cinema or a pub more than visit a night club, but do visit them sometimes if I like the music.

I hate simpletons, superficiality, stupidty, hoard mentality and try to stay away from these things or treat them very harshly when I am forced to encounter them.

My greatest interests are history (my greatest love), especially war history, mostly World War II (I especially like the Eastern Front and –my country’s resistance movement–) and medieval history, politics, psychology, literature, especially history and books on war plus biographies. 

I am a huge film fan, looking for relatively unknown masterpieces.

My favorite sport is –nah, probably too close to revealing my location–, which I am greately interested in, I pay little attention to other sports.

What am I looking for? A serious, smart and responsible girl knowing what she wants, which is, in this case, serious relationship. I am emphasizing that I am looking for somebody from –my home town– (or the vicinity if you’re ready to come here often even if you’re not doing it now) and that I don’t want prolonged texting, one week is more than enough for me – I don’t want to get boggled down with a computer screen. Also, I am expecting your AIM/msn/skype account very soon, as these media are a lot faster than a forum.

I want a lot of kissing, hugging, long walks, talks about non-trivial matters and simply fulfilment with a girl who should be quite special to qualify for all these things, I know.

To show my harsher side- everyone contacting me to kill some time and gain some attention, anyone not knowing what they want or just looking for a pen pal will be immediately ignored. If you’re not interested in meeting in about a week (of course, if you find me interesting online) and if you’re not from -xx- don’t respond. If this ad seems too serious for you or if your first question will be why am I looking for a girl this way… think about if you want’ to contact me, we might not get along.

Regarding looks, my criteria really isn’t high – I don’t tolerate lack of teeth or rotten teeth, no hygiene and severe obesity.

And, yeah, I know how to laugh, in fact, I’m a huge romantic and I believe you exist and you’re mean for me and that we’ll find each other among all these brutes around us 🙂

Well, that’s it… Contact me if you like this message. I will only reply to messages that will contain… well, if I will reply to you you already know what they will contain.

If some of the few readers of this blog want to try and guess how many messages I got they are free to do so. It just makes me laugh to think how many replies are ordinarily terribly written messages getting -oh, gosh….

No wonder that the men are complaining about all of this while getting slimy responses from women blaming them for not being “positive enough”. Ugh. Makes me sick.

Oh, yeah, and I opened a female account with a basic description of an average body type, said I was young and want a boyfriend. Despite deleting messages constantly they would fill my Inbox of 75 messages maximun for three days in a row. But, yeah, women have it so hard.

Fuck you, liberals and clueless women. Your sick, unhuman delusions will be defeated.

Fun times with Manbooberz

This will basically be a rather quick response to various statements made by various posters reacting to my latest post on Manboobz, after which I was promptly banned again by David Futrelle, who banned me because he wanted to silence me in August and made a terrible, debunked flimsy excuse for it. In fact he didn’t like the content of my posts and that’s all there is to it. If he bothered to read my e-mail he’d know that too.

Some Gal Not Bored At All starts off…

Yay! The government dating service idea again. Forcing women to go on blind dates certainly isn’t misogynistic in any way.

These women would be PAID to go on blind dates. Nobody would be forcing them no more than they’re forcing you to work. You’re paid for the dates.

the bewilderness says

Wank on wanker, you are not entitled to other people’s body parts.

And is absolutely correct.

Some Gal has a prediction….

Let’s say we do a government dating service, stam will still be incel because I can’t imagine any woman going on a blind date with him, learning he’s responsible not just for this bad date but all the bad government dates she’s been forced to go on, and not leaving. Immediately.

This is entirely possible.

pecunium has a question….

Why should the gov’t be in the pimp business?

Because it’s not a pimp business. These women would go on blind dates where they could reject men and be rejected. The difference between this and a dating agency is that this program would be available to everybody, would contain no scams and would ensure much more men a chance than dating agencies do. I won’t even mention dating sites, which are horrible due to women flaking and getting plenty of messages daily.

To my assertion that feminists are mostly women, which means they have likely never even heard of incel, let alone experienced it he replies with

Cause any chick can get laid at any time, right? 

Bullshit.

No. That is not what I said at all. There is nothing from my sentence above to make a logical conclusion that I think there are no incel women. Feminists are mostly women, which means they have likely never even heard of incel, let alone experienced. Likely. Nowhere did I say there are no incel women, nowhere at all.

Shiraz pops in….

Giving sex as a way of keeping men from murdering. Yeah. Who wants to volunteer for that duty? Anyone? No?

These women wouldn’t be giving away sex to keep men from murdering. They would go on 30 blind dates (I’ll explain later why that would be the maximum) during which they would seek a suitable partner. It wouldn’t keep all men from murdering. It would keep most of them, in case they do somebody, happy and no longer lonely. It would prevent some suicides and a murder-suicide here and there (Sodini was incel but he only killed women, I’ve seen incels fantasize about killing random people due to frustration and been there myself).

And continues with….

And never invoke the name George Sodini in a empathetic tone in my presence. EVER.I mean, if you’re just fucking around and trying to instigate emotional responses from regulars by going extreme, you are still a major fucking asshole. That dude shot women because he couldn’t get a trophy girlfriend much younger than him to overlook his obvious fucked-up-ness. That you would invoke any of this shit just to troll makes you pond scum.

I am not empathetic to him more than any other dead person who didn’t deserve it – I simply don’t care too much. It is true that Sodini likely wanted a 20 year-old girlfriend, which was extremely bizzare and unrealistic. However, we can’t really guess to how much he’d love her and how he would treat her. It’s all purely assumption.

Kim is all about sex 😦

There are women who are willing to have sex with incels. They are called sex workers. Has the troll explained at any point why that’s not good enough for him?

But, but, I explained it’s not about sex !!!

The Kittehs’s Unpaid Help explains….

Kim, if you’ve the stomach for it, the link Katz provided to the original thread (on the previous page of this one) gives pages and pages and pages of why this creepy specimen thinks nothing less than government coercing paying women to date “incels” is good enough. Also why his parents are murderers for not getting him a girlfriend, why it’s perfectly understandable that men will go out and commit mass murder because they haven’t got a sex slave girlfriend. This from someone who claimed to be 24 and to have had sex some six months before … yeah, really “incel”.

If you put strikethrough on words like feminism misandry and feminist boyfriend  mangina in some other text made by her just because you feel like it she might on her way to becoming a raging MRA. I like how she uses the word understandable. What the fuck does that mean? Everything that happens in life is in understandable in one way or another. Mass murder because of incel is rare, but understandable because it sorta… happens? So is being struck by lightning.

The little moron was on about how he didn’t know how to approach women so that he’d know within half an hour whether they wanted a relationship with him or not.

Kitteh is talking about the fact that I once said a girl said she wanted to be with me after half an hour. Her idea that I know whether or not women want a relationship with me within half an hour is a completely distorted echo of an experience I talked about there and on this forum. I will talk about a lot more about it, so you have to follow the blog to understand all this. Of course, what she said here is nonsense.

Weatherby has something to say…

he links to his original appearance on Manboobz in the context of creating the impression that he was the reasonable one and everyone else (full disclosure: including me) was “intolerant commentators most of who have reading comprehension of 7-year-olds”.

This is a guy who, in the thread that he himself linked to (so he’s presumably stands by what he said), thinks that:

Yeah, well, before I start quoting what he thinks I think I should remind him that no matter  what my ideas are they don’t make a lot of Manboobz commentators immune to severe deficiencies in reading comprehension. I intended to make a post debunking some of them but didn’t feel up to it at the time- it will just remain a draft. I have to say there were some good posts too.

So, here, are my thoughts, according to Wetherby

• the government should pimp women, not as prostitutes (perish the thought), but “willing partners”;

Whatever, I explained it’s not so already.

• such a service would not be available for women, because they wouldn’t need to apply (presumably because they can get sex with a mere snap of the fingers);

Most women can get sex with a mere snap of fingers but I don’t recall ever explicitly saying such a service would not be available to women, I just talked about men as those who would be the prime beneficiaries. I doubt ever saying that women wouldn’t need it. Futrelle deleted many of my posts anyway so searching for it useless. Anyway, I think such a service should be available to women, but their numbers will be low and they will be very unattractive. That is reality. I also find it funny that commentator CassandraSays claimed no women would apply for the male part of service while he’s bitching that I think it would not be available for women.

• his parents deserve to be killed for failing to fix him up with a girlfriend (though this isn’t a death threat);

That’s correct, not a death threat. If every time we said somebody deserves something very bad happen to him was seen as a death threat the court system would collapse. And, yes, they deserve to.

• rape is less traumatic than celibacy (apparently you can just “get over” rape);

I believe that among  the same number of very long incel men and raped women incel men will suffer more – not that much more but they will suffer more. I am also convinced that more incel men than raped women will commit suicide. I cannot prove that, but neither is he able to prove his which he holds on with religious fervour. But I am pretty much convinced that 10 men suffering 10 years of incel vs 10 brutally raped women will suffer more. Only a liberal fool could claim othewise.

• Norwegian rape apologist and Anders Breivik fan Eivind Berge is one of the great thinkers of our time;

He’s none of those things but this post is already too long and it’s not important.

• if you don’t know within half an hour of meeting someone whether they’re a potential life partner, there’s no point even thinking about taking the relationship further

I explained this already.

• he took people’s advice to get therapy, but his therapist refused to fuck him, even outside office hours when it would apparently have been OK;

That is correct, but what’s he missing is that I was a virgin at the time. She would have helped me a lot more by doing that than using meds or talk therapy. Of course, there was a danger of me falling in love but low because I was already really bitter and jaded. Luckily, I lost my virginity with somebody last year. I currently have a male therapist but would not ask a female therapist to have sex with me any longer because my goal isn’t sex. I tried sex and it’s kinda sucky in a pleasant way without love.

• he got laid twice in 2012, despite apparently being “incel”;

I got laid about 10 times in 2012 and, yes, I’m technically I’m not incel since 6 months have not passed since the last time I had sex. Still, it’s a pure technicality. I waited a long time to get my first kiss and long enough for my first sex to become so ill that I could only do it with awful women that humiliated me and treated me like shit. I am actually much more poised to kill myself in 2013 now that I’m no longer a virgin since the desire to lose my virginity was the main motivational factor in my life before May 2012.

• his lack of success with various girlfriends is mostly their fault;

This is something that he straight made up. Why, I don’t know. Every failure with every girl was a different story but it’s impossible to blame me or them. It just happened the way it did by us interacting. I am the first to admit that I repelled every girl I was with by being moody, insecure and emotional. Women are extremely cruel and unforgiving, much more than men, but I don’t blame them, it is in their nature.

hellkell…

Dammit, I missed the incel whiner. They really are the most entitled asses in the manosphere, and that’s quite a feat.

You probably think you’re entitled to your life. So are incels. When an incel kills himself because he couldn’t stand the pain thanks to you you have deprived him of his entitlement.

CassandraSays always has something smart to say….

The combination of “had sex 6 months ago” and “incel is a lifelong condition!” is extra lulzy.

Incel can be a lifelong condition. It’s not always and I never said that.

This is probably the most sickening post I’ve had to comment on. CassandraSays is also a poster who, during the Eivind Berge discussion, made a horrible statement that since I don’t understand economic coercion on women because I would offer them to earn money while horribly labouring at trying to get a partner in their life, I also don’t understand the concept of sexual consent or something. A disgustingly stupid person with a monstrous comment….

It starts with thenatfantastic saying

 Angry incels are the utter worst, normal MRAs tend to excuse rape, these fuckwads actually encourage it.

To which Cassandra replies

It’s more than that, it’s that they want everyone to agree that they ought to be entitled to rape people and expect others to express sympathy about the fact that it’s neither legal nor socially acceptable for them to do so.

What? Incels want everyone to afree that they ought to be entitled to rape people and express sympathy that they can’t? Her claim is based on a single blog by an MRA who’s not even incel.

Wetherby knows what my problem is….

The silly thing is, despite his endless whining about how lonely he is, it’s never been easier than now to get a sympathetic hearing about almost any subject, even if it’s only online. As he himself demonstrated: after all, during his recent visit, he got to chat to several real live women… and proceeded to alienate and repulse them pretty much from the off. But that was his decision.

Lol. Almost all of these women were feminists who dismissed the problem out of hand. Feminists couldn’t care less about incel men. Incel Bingo appears on Manboobz to mock incels. Basically, liberalism has no answer to incel but therapy and vague misandric ideas about not being a creep that never produce any result with women as once you have to think about how not to be a creep you’re pretty much fucked. Incels are expected to be silent drones, else they are ridiculed and declared dangerous, which some of them are, but due to inaction of society. 

I do communicate with women in my daily life but I don’t bring up my incel problem much as they tend to give crappy advice and not understand the problem. This is not because I hate women – it’s how things are.

CassandraSays goes on…

This is a thing that always vexes me about these guys – OK, so you don’t know how to relate to women or form relationships with them, and this is a source of distress to you. And now here you are talking to a bunch of women, some of whom are attempting to explain precisely what it is that you’re doing wrong. A useful learning opportunity, right? But no, every damn time they respond by trying to rationalize away the advice that they’re being given and insist that their (already demonstrated to be unsuccessful) approach to dating is more valid and realistic than what all the women, and the men who have experience successfully dating women, are trying to tell them.

No, I think every sane man should pass on a learning opportunity from women like you. Yuck. Oh, and you mean the men who have experience successfully dating women unless they’re PUA’s?

There is simply no good advice for some people. There are women in incel communities. I’ve never seen their advice help anybody. Incel Support forum has been turned into a politically correct fascist hellhole led by women and their servile male slaves who ban you for disliking fat chicks, saying looks matter or for having suicidal thoughts they’re “not equipped to deal with”.

I’ve seen women on Love-shy too. No, they can’t help men but by entering into relationships with them. Some people, like a 30 year-old kissless Aspie  are just fucked. My program would at least give him a chance to go on his first date.

emilygoddess becomes personal…

Aw, I missed the creepy incel? I wanted to ask him about the time he blackmailed a woman for sex. If you read his blog post about his dating history, he comes across as a budding abuser. But no, he’s not the one with the problem…

Actually, I did not blackmail a woman for sex. What happened was that she promised sex to a sensitive, sexually inexperienced guy once just to change her mind because I said it will be weird doing it with condoms (of course I was going to use them, I was extatic about the opportunity to have sex). After three full hours of me trying to talk into doing it with me and explaining she’s making a fuss over nothing she agreed to do it again, just to change her mind when I asked her to say “brb” before taking 15 minute leaves. After that I called her on the phone, cried over the phone because of the humiliation, begged her not to treat me like that, begged her to allow me to have sex with her just once while she laughed. Than I got really mad, insulted her and she hung up. After that, in a state of dissaray and extreme rage I posted one fucking picture of her face, without her name, not expecting her to contact me ever again. But she called and offered sex to take it down and I caved in like a little desperate pussy I am, agreeing that she will come for one hour only and that there will be no kissing or oral. 

Guess what happened then? Not only did she remain for 5 hours but she liked having sex with me and contacted me first after it happened. We even became a couple though it should have been obvious one could never be with such a demented person for a long time. I left her, but I know she never loved me or cared for me, she took it with a smile.

But that’s beside the point now. This is what incel feels like. Despair. I didn’t blackmail her, but don’t bother trying to say I’m bullshitting – I would gladly blackmail her if only I thought she’d have that sex with me that way !  I didn’t contact her at all but just put the picture and she stunned me by calling.

That bitch deserved it. Oh, and look, and she wanted to be with me after that? Noncel monsters, especially women, would say I should have walked away – when was I to have sex again if I did? You have no empathy, nothing, zero, your empathy is toward a demented psychotic spoiled cruel bitch who played with me like a toy. I am incel, which means I have to take every chance I get, no matter how spineless I must become. If I didn’t fuck her when would I fuck another girl?

And, dammit, I was gonna comment on some other Manboobz quotes but this is more than enough to see what liberals and feminists are and why they’re no friends of any incel.

A budding abuser? I have not yet begun to describe what women did to me in my life on this blog. It devastated somebody as helpless as me completely and turned me into a sick outcast with no future. It doesn’t matter whose fault is it. I am like that and they caused me pain. I know I shouldn’t be dating at all because I am not a monster like 99 percent of humans are but girls in my life never cared about my fraility, they just destroyed me and went on like nothing happened.

I will eventually start kicking back, out of sheer helplessness. It’s the fate of the weak.

I’ll finish up with Cassandra…

On the incel thing again…I know some guys who’ve spent long periods of time single and/or celibate, and not by choice. None of them have ever expressed a desire to go shoot up a jazzercize class, or expected the government/their parents/the universe to provide them with a girlfriend.

This is because they are reasonable adults. The incel guys should try it some time, it’s a lot more fun than being a whiny adolescent for the rest of your life.

Of course, she fails to mention how long have these guys been incel. I’d be surprised if some of them were for 20 years or more. And even if they were in that case they’re the ones who have something wrong with them. You can’t claim something is normal just because it’s convinient to you – it’s utterly dishonest – just like most Manboobz posters are.

Edit- just had to add these two comments comment to show how delusional people who don’t know about incel are (first example) and how little common sense they have (second example). This guy first asks what incel is and than makes this idiotic question

Why don’t male incels and femal incels get together and sex each other up?

Maybe because most men have never met an incel woman in their lives ( I know I never did). Maybe because the ratio of incel men to incel women in their online communities is like 20:1. I will provide exact data for love-shy forums if anybody asks me to. 

Sickening.

 

pecunium, a resident liberal fanatic full of hot air has a problem with my program…

The way in which he was doing it was worse than just ridiculous theory on forcing women to fuck, “incels” (and yes, is was force, if a woman went on too many dates without putting out she was punished)

Note how he puts incels in brackets and doesn’t even say how would the woman be punished. This man is scum.  Yes, after 30 unsuccessful dates she would be fired. How else will you prevent a woman in a happy, stable relationship from having zillion unsuccesssful dates (provided that she doesn’t find a guy she likes more during those, but who knows when that might happen) and gaining a lot of money from going to dates with dudes she will very likely not want to be with, and almost certainly not with one she finds during the first 30 dates?

Incel is a Terminator

I realized that I will never be trusted by any psychologists and will never get help from them. They could only harm me. I remembered the film Terminator, first part. In it humans and machines are waging a war in the near future. Since the machines are about to lose to humans led by John Connor they send out a terminator into the future, a machine with a mental skeleton under human skin and parts of tissue, to kill John Connor’s mother Linda so he could never be born. On the other hand, humans send Kyle Reese, a human soldier, to protect John Connors future mother from being killed by the Terminator. They both arrive to her at about same time and a shootout ensues. Kyle gets to Linda first but is unable to convince her of the truth before more shooting occurs and the cops get involved, capturing Linda and Kyle while the Terminator escapes. In police custody Kyle is laughed at by a shrink and most of policemen for claiming he is from the future. He says that no matter what that Terminator is out there, will wade from them and rip Linda’s heart out. Of course, that same night Terminator comes to the police station and kills all the policemen, with Kyle and Linda escaping and the film goes on.

That scene in a police station pefectly describes my situation. I feel like Kyle Reese. I understand that the shrinks think I am crazy for saying that it is the responsibilty of other people to find me a girlfriend just like they fought he was crazy for saying he is from the future and that there is a Terminator out there. But that Terminator really is out there , it is called involuntary celibacy and it is lethal.

Shrinks are my enemies, though I understand why they don’t believe me. That’s why I’ve even been institutionalized. They just don’t acknowledge the Terminator. They will eventually have to. Their only sensible solution is to either find me a girlfriend or lock me up forever and keep me in highest security department to prevent me from killing somebody because I know I will never get out anyway.