I have posted an ad on a certain dating forum about three weeks ago. The only reply I got was from a girl who rejected me once she saw my picture. I waited a couple of more days then stopped logging in. There was litte for me to expect and I just figured nobody else will reply as those ads tend to be quickly buried by other ads.
When I finally logged in today I saw a got a great message on September 17 but that the girl has not logged in since September 23. Since she registered on Sep 17 it doesn’t seem likely she will ever come back.
And this is what I hate about being incel.
It fucked me before I got the message, during the time she was online and after I saw the message. It fucked me before I got the message because I thought nobody else will reply.
It fucked me during the time she was online because I didn’t bother to log in.
And it fucked me majorily after I saw the message. I could rationalize it as much as I’d want and, yes, the chances of it going somewhere are low, to but what if that girl could have liked me? What if we might have entered a relationship? Her message seemed great. What if I at least could have gotten some valuable experience?
Now I will never know.
I’ve tried googling her nickname in a desperate attempt to find her profile somewhere else online, I’ve even tried to google a name that resembled her nickname and some info she provided. Of course it didn’t work.
This upset me so much that I have a sleepless night behind me. I’m trying to rationalize it as much as I can but it’s all bullshit. My stupidity and low spirits might have caused me to miss on something…. nice? Sure, this will only make my try harder and I’ll get some replies eventually but I’ll never bring this chance back. Never ever. And once a girl screws me over, and she will screw me over, I’ll remember my ineptitute during these 6 days.
It’s sort of telling that incel can make you feel this devastated. This is where all those denying the pain could take a moment to reflect on my reaction.
And this is why I hate incel. If it weren’t incel I would be in such pain right now. I wouldn’t be considering making a little prayer even when I’m a staunch atheist. There wouldn’t be tears of anger, frustration and hopelessness running down my face. And I wouldn’t be trying to find somebody that way. I hate you, incel, I hate you with all my heart.
This isn’t goddamn depression. It’s a purely situational problem due to my mistakes. But it does add to the general feeling of depression.
Here’s to a slim chance she logs back in. However, the only miracles I’ve known were those of extremely bad luck.
Seriously, what if she was to give birth to my kids? I mean, it’s unlikely but possible.