That ol’ male virginity topic

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A woman on a thread discussing why older virgins are unattractive

The reason for it is simple, when a man has sex he is pretty much guaranteed to have an orgasm, a woman isn’t. An inexperienced woman would most certainly be less enjoyable than an experienced woman but it will likely still feel good for the man, but for a woman having sex with an inexperienced man can be a very unpleasant experience. Men also have a reputation for not taking criticism of their bedroom skills very well, I don’t know how true it is but I’ve overhead and been told by other women to never criticize a guys bedroom skills or he will freak out, a stereotype that makes women even less inclined to bother with inexperienced men.

Absolutely true.

The only way out being prostitutes, escorts or sex surrogates, which many men cannot access due to their local unavailability, shyness and anxiety issues and criminalization of these services.

After a certain age it is almost entirely impossible for a woman to accept male virginity or be attracted to a male virgin. I know everybody has their own story about a lucky male friend that says differently but could my experiences and those of members of love-shy.com seem to confirm that quote.

Older male virgin face a horrible situation of female rejection, society’s disgust and their own biology going awry… Eivind Berge had something to say on this

Masturbation is likely a much bigger problem than you imagine. While it is true that a lot of men can get away with masturbating and even watching porn and still have meaningful relationships, It is much worse when you are a virgin at such an advanced age. You are not comparable to them because being a virgin for so long means maladaptive patterns of arousal and stimulation have ossified in your brain. The deleterious effects of porn and masturbation are to some extent (but by no means always) counteracted by timely and ongoing sexual experience, but when you are a virgin in your 30s, the harm is bound to be much worse. Prolonged celibacy is much more harmful than commonly acknowledged because all the masturbation robs you of your ability to enjoy women even if you get them, in ways you probably don’t expect because you think you function when you masturbate. But it is not the same and a real vagina will now be less satisfying than you think because you have desensitized yourself through unhealthy stimulation.

This seems absolutely correct too, and I’ve had a similar experience (something I will write about more in further posts).

My only advice to every male virgin over the age of 18 is – YOU SHOULD NOT WAIT. Get that prostitute/escort tomorrow. And if you’re unlucky enough to suffer a traumatic experience try again. It’s tough and in some cases even dangerous but there is no other way.  There is simply no time to wait – before you know it, you will be old and your body will be ill suited for sex. 

14 thoughts on “That ol’ male virginity topic

  1. That’s a bit depressing. Doom and gloom much? Just curious, what are you doing to try to find a girlfriend? Do you have an online dating profile? I think the root of your problem lies with your shyness/social anxiety/awkwardness issues. If you fix these, you will be much more likely to find a woman.

  2. I don’t have an online dating profile right now and I’m not doing anything to find a girlfriend at this moment. I’ve tried dating sites in the past with poor success. As for your conclusion, you are somewhat right but the reasons are much more complicated. I have my inexperience going against me now as well, plus I’ve never been friends with people who usually get women. I’ll write a detailed post on why I am incel later.

    Your thoughts do have some value. I think that almost all people who are feminists/leftists/atheists aren’t really atheists but have chosen other gods, one of them being therapy, which in their minds can do no wrong, when there are times when it can’t help at all. However, I don’t think you said that only therapy could help here and you do have a point about me being very shy but I have had bad experiences with women too.

    • To me, therapy is just a means to be able to talk about your problems, and get advice from a neutral third party. Also, you don’t have to tell people you are inexperienced. Have you thought of moving to a new area? Maybe a change of scenery, and meeting new people who don’t know about your past will boost your confidence and mood.

      And I’m curious as to what bad experiences you have had with women. I would like to hear about those, if you don’t mind.

  3. As much as women complain about and abhor men with no sexual experience, on the grounds that they won’t know what to do to get them off, I’m surprised they bother with men at all, instead of just getting a vibrator. I mean, it’s obvious that they don’t actually CARE about men they sleep with…

    It seems that the message in this woman’s words, to virgins of an advanced age, is that they are in a hopeless situation and should just give up…maybe there is a grain of truth to this. With women like this one in the majority, I don’t know why any self-respecting older virgin would bother with them anyway.

    • I really don’t think the majority of women are like this. If you met a woman and developed a relationship with her and she loved you, I don’t think she would really care if you were a virgin. I don’t think you should give up. And yes, a lot of women do care about the men they’re with. I think the good women get snapped up quick and are married or in LTRs, just like the good men. The women who are chronically single are either not all that interested in dating, or have a lot of issues that make them a bad partner. And some women are very unattractive, which doesn’t make dating impossible, but it makes it more difficult, as men are more looks oriented. I think some guys just have bad luck, coupled with shyness or anxiety. Dating is like a game of musical chairs. If you don’t have a partner when the music stops, you’re kicked out of the circle.

      • Rage:
        The only problem with your ‘musical chairs’ analogy is that it’s more like 25 men and 1 woman actually playing. The other 24 women are outside getting it on with half-feral ‘bad boys’ while the poor guys playing musical chairs are told to keeping trying in hopes their luck will change. And really, nothing about dating should ever depend on ‘luck’. No one would start a business on the same terms that society tells them to start a relationship: invest time and resources, and hope something happens? Relationships should work on the same principle: with definite objectives in mind and skills to make it work.

        ‘I don’t think the majority of women are like this.’

        Believe me, they are.

        ‘A lot of women do care about the men they’re with’

        Not enough of them, by anyone’s definition. In fact, my observations and experience has been that a man’s sexual/reproductive success is in direct porportion to his unfitness for either.

      • Very strange post… The last part of it, talking about how the good women (with whom being in a relationship with is worthwhile) are all gone, and especially the “musical chairs” analogy, is very good; but then, how can you say that one should not give up in the same breath? First you put forth this hypothetical situation where one has this ideal woman who has only love and no judgement, using that as an argument for why the male virgin should not give up (but neglecting to acknowledge how improbable such an opportunity is)…but then you lay out all the reasons why he actually *should* give up. If guys in the situation of prolonged virginity were to take seriously advice put forth by people about how, if they keep searching, they’ll be rewarded with some “soul mate” with whom all of their present hurdles won’t matter, they are going to be dogs chasing their tails for the rest of their lives.

  4. Great. I have a feminist who admitted she came here to troll me and an MRAish guy who despises American women discussing things in a fairly civilized manner on my blog. Fun times for all !

    I have a question for you, Fembot. I initially took you for a run-of-the-mill feminist coming to spew insults here. However, I was very surprised to see that you’re married and 35 years old. Do you find this blog interesting? What is your general view on incel issues?

  5. Yes, I find this blog very interesting. I have never really heard of INCEL before a few months ago, and the only information I learned about it is from Steve Hoca. Of course I don’t want to see huge proportions of young men suffering. I hear a lot about how much it sucks for young single males on line, but I have to say my experiences in real life don’t match it. I’ve been friends with several men, I have younger male cousins, and my husband has a lot of friends (most of whom are in the Army) and I don’t see many of them having problems dating. I have one friend who didn’t lose his virginity until he was 23, but he is now married with a baby. Most of the people in y circle of friends (that I’ve known since high school) are now married, though many of us didn’t marry until we were over 30) Maybe because I am from a small conservative pocket in California I don’t see it (though only some of us I would describe as conservative). I know that my female friends in the Los Angeles area have had a hard time dating, but they are mostly married now, too. I have a single girlfriend who you could describe as “incel” who has only had one relationship, and that was about ten years ago. She has kind of manly mannerisms, and very few men are attracted to her. My other single friend has no interest in marriage and children, but she has had several LTRs.

    I guess I am interested in this issue because it does need a solution. I would like to gather an estimate of how many men are INCEL in the western world or US. I don’t think it’s a ridiculously high number, but even one person’s suffering should be helped. I tell you not to give up because that is the worst option possible. All of the doom and gloom I hear about is online. I have lived in California, and now I am in Texas temporarily, and I see many many many couples in the real world. Sure, some people cheat. My friend is getting divorced because her husband was cheating on her the whole time they were married, and she just found out about it. I had another friend who cheated on her husband. SO bad behavior can manifest on both ends. But I think if you only read online blogs about how hopeless it is, you’re just gong to make yourself feel worse and worse. And if you never try, you won’t succeed. I know that sounds like self help bullshit. Maybe like I said I’m an old fart and out of touch with your generation. I don’t know.

    And I’m sorry for my earlier mean comments. I’m glad we can have a dialogue. I would like to hear about your specific experiences with women and their behaviors toward you. I think that would help me understand better.

  6. Fembot, I was not insulted by your earlier comments but I am glad to see you’re not who I thought you were. You seem like an honest woman with a lot of experience. You’re much different than some ManBoobz commentators who are very aggressive and frankly seem to hate men.. I started writing an article of my experiences with women but that event with the dating site shocked me so much that I couldn’t go on. I’ll probably finish up in a day or two.

  7. I don’t think I will be returning to Manboobz for a while. I had an argument with another user and frankly I am tired of their sanctimonious, self righteous attitudes. I think there are a lot of good people there, but some of them are just too critical and nitpicky.

    • Rage:
      I’ve had run-ins with Futrelle myself, I don’t think he’s as much on the side of women as he claims. Someday when there are less serious topics to discuss here, I’ll go into more detail.

      But I’ve also stopped visiting The Spearhead, for similar reasons you left Manboobz, so I guess we’re even there LOL

  8. just to drop in a line and say that I lost the v-card in a legal brothel on my 25th birthday. Despite my family members spoke against me on this matter, I don’t regret a second of it. I used to find close intimate contact with a woman to be very intimidating, not anymore

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