A personal post on suicide

Latest incident with failing to see that I’ve been messaged by a girl stirred up all kinds of bad feelings in me. Feelings I’ve been having for the last 2 years but that I’ve managed to supress for a while.

If I go on writing this blog I will  talk about my past in greater detail but there is something I would like to say now.

I’ve misspent my life.

There were numerous chances for me to beat incel and I have failed to take them. I have failed to take them when I was very young and full of energy. Now it has become very, very hard.

I was bullied in primary school and the effects were devastating. I never exchanged a single sentence with a female in primary school. In fact, I was about 18 when I found my first female friends. Dating a girl I met through friends isn’t an option even today.

I went to an elitist, preppy high school and suffered no bullying at all. However, the consequences of earlier bullying remained. I was shy, too passive and just didn’t know how to enjoy those careless days.

And I missed chances. It’s very realistic that I could have had sex in 2004. I met a number of girls my age looking for a boyfriend and willing to meet up. I also met a very promiscous girl who wanted to meet and have sex. She had a lot of sex, with different boys, having slept with 50 of them and 2 girls at the age of 17.

However, I failed to see all of that as chances. My fear was too strong for my brain to acknowledge reality. My problems were easy to solve at that time but my mind was too immature. So I never met any of them.

I lived through my high school years not being too bothered about my inexperience, hanging out with friends and enjoying hobbies. When some of them found girlfriends in 2006 it shocked me but life went on. Even after finally meeting a girl in real life when I was 18 and suffering my first great dissapointment with another girl some months later not much changed.

All that came crashing down in July 2007, no more than a month after I’ve finished high school. A cataclysmic event shook me up in a way that nobody will ever understand. I sometimes think I’ve died right then and continued living in  hell as everything after it is one long nightmare, interrupted by occasional bursts of hope. This event changed everything.  I got a girlfriend, at least for one magical week. And then disaster occured.

While recovering I continued to blow chances.

There was almost no way for me to blow my chance with my first real girlfriend. I gave a ton of shit and she took it all before we started dating. No other girl would take so much bullshit and ended up in a relationship with anybody. But our bond was too strong. Or so I thought until one horrific day in July 2010 when she abruptly ended it all after 8 months.

It was a start of a new era, the roughest patch yet.

And now I’m very, very tired.

I could have been getting laid when I was 16. I didn’t. Nobody will ever bring those years back. And now, so much later, I see that I have failed. I currently on three different medications, slightly overweight and with some back problems. My best days are behind me.

I will probably commit suicide next year. Maybe then I’ll get to play the game all over again then, entering the body of a shy 15 year-old kid and telling him that he has nothing to fear but himself. But it’ll probably be more about turning off the computer because a tiring game doesn’t have a Load function.

The game has simply become too hard to play anymore.

Another missed chance (well, sort of)

I have posted an ad on a certain dating forum about three weeks ago. The only reply I got was from a girl who rejected me once she saw my picture. I waited a couple of more days then stopped logging in. There was litte for me to expect and I just figured nobody else will reply as those ads tend to be quickly buried by other ads.

When I finally logged in today I saw a got a great message on September 17 but that the girl has not logged in since September 23. Since she registered on Sep 17 it doesn’t seem likely she will ever come back.

And this is what I hate about being incel.

It fucked me before I got the message, during the time she was online and after I saw the message. It fucked me before I got the message because I thought nobody else will reply.

It fucked me during the time she was online because I didn’t bother to log in.

And it fucked me majorily after I saw the message. I could rationalize it as much as I’d want and, yes, the chances of it going somewhere are low, to but what if that girl could have liked me? What if we might have entered a relationship? Her message seemed great. What if I at least could have gotten some valuable experience?

Now I will never know.

I’ve tried googling her nickname in a desperate attempt to find her profile somewhere else online, I’ve even tried to google a name that resembled her nickname and some info she provided. Of course it didn’t work.

This upset me so much that I have a sleepless night behind me. I’m trying to rationalize it as much as I can but it’s all bullshit. My stupidity and low spirits might have caused me to miss on something…. nice? Sure, this will only make my try harder and I’ll get some replies eventually but I’ll never bring this chance back. Never ever. And once a girl screws me over, and she will screw me over, I’ll remember my ineptitute during these 6 days.

It’s sort of telling that incel can make you feel this devastated. This is where all those denying the pain could take a moment to reflect on my reaction.

And this is why I hate incel. If it weren’t incel I would be in such pain right now. I wouldn’t be considering making a little prayer even when I’m a staunch atheist. There wouldn’t be tears of anger, frustration and hopelessness running down my face.  And I wouldn’t be trying to find somebody that way. I hate you, incel, I hate you with all my heart.

This isn’t goddamn depression. It’s a purely situational problem due to my mistakes. But it does add to the general feeling of depression.

Here’s to a slim chance she logs back in. However, the only miracles I’ve known were those of extremely bad luck.

Seriously, what if she was to give birth to my kids? I mean, it’s unlikely but possible.

That ol’ male virginity topic

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A woman on a thread discussing why older virgins are unattractive

The reason for it is simple, when a man has sex he is pretty much guaranteed to have an orgasm, a woman isn’t. An inexperienced woman would most certainly be less enjoyable than an experienced woman but it will likely still feel good for the man, but for a woman having sex with an inexperienced man can be a very unpleasant experience. Men also have a reputation for not taking criticism of their bedroom skills very well, I don’t know how true it is but I’ve overhead and been told by other women to never criticize a guys bedroom skills or he will freak out, a stereotype that makes women even less inclined to bother with inexperienced men.

Absolutely true.

The only way out being prostitutes, escorts or sex surrogates, which many men cannot access due to their local unavailability, shyness and anxiety issues and criminalization of these services.

After a certain age it is almost entirely impossible for a woman to accept male virginity or be attracted to a male virgin. I know everybody has their own story about a lucky male friend that says differently but could my experiences and those of members of love-shy.com seem to confirm that quote.

Older male virgin face a horrible situation of female rejection, society’s disgust and their own biology going awry… Eivind Berge had something to say on this

Masturbation is likely a much bigger problem than you imagine. While it is true that a lot of men can get away with masturbating and even watching porn and still have meaningful relationships, It is much worse when you are a virgin at such an advanced age. You are not comparable to them because being a virgin for so long means maladaptive patterns of arousal and stimulation have ossified in your brain. The deleterious effects of porn and masturbation are to some extent (but by no means always) counteracted by timely and ongoing sexual experience, but when you are a virgin in your 30s, the harm is bound to be much worse. Prolonged celibacy is much more harmful than commonly acknowledged because all the masturbation robs you of your ability to enjoy women even if you get them, in ways you probably don’t expect because you think you function when you masturbate. But it is not the same and a real vagina will now be less satisfying than you think because you have desensitized yourself through unhealthy stimulation.

This seems absolutely correct too, and I’ve had a similar experience (something I will write about more in further posts).

My only advice to every male virgin over the age of 18 is – YOU SHOULD NOT WAIT. Get that prostitute/escort tomorrow. And if you’re unlucky enough to suffer a traumatic experience try again. It’s tough and in some cases even dangerous but there is no other way.  There is simply no time to wait – before you know it, you will be old and your body will be ill suited for sex. 

5 years of incel- expected for an individual, scary in billions?

I’ve often been told that men who get violent because of incel were actually suffering from some other mental illness. I heard an idiotic example of Nelson Mandela, who was actually married twice and had children before he was imprisoned, as evidence that normal people wouldn’t hurt themselves or anybody because of incel. Cheesy, pop culture example like Susan Boyle is both retarded and gynocentric, disregarding both her past experiences and male sex urges.

Examples like “my friend who wants to stay a virgin” are even worse, completely missing the point of incel’s involuntary nature.

So let us imagine that everybody in the world became incel for 5 years. Let us further imagine that people don’t know they will be incel for 5 years. Every hope they might have in beating their during those 5 years will eventually be met with disappointment – everybody is incel for 5 years no matter what, remember?

How many people will start thinking that their incel might be longer than 5 years after some time? And how would the world look like?

In my opinion, Basically, this world would be on fire. Humanity would be on fire. Civilization everywhere would be in chaos.

Men would have a very high chance of getting raped, and as for women… That chance would exist virtually every minute. And what could one do? Send everybody to a therapist?

Think about it – would you be scared living in such a world? Would you be scared of you or your partner and family members being raped?

Luckily, we will never live in such a world. Instead we’re living in a world where men who have been incel for an year tops and women who have had a sex life since they were 15 telling incel men that they have to see a therapist and that their suffering is just depression. We are living in a world where advice to go to a therapist is seen as the best advice somebody could give you and where it is your fault that therapy didn’t help you. We are living in a world where it is believed that one should not even want love, companionship and sex if they’re to blame for not being able to obtain it.  We are living in a world where basic human needs like love, companionship and sex are seen as something once could go without because your PC zealot knows a friend who chose to be celibate longer you are.

A world sick beyond description.

Three very different victims of involuntary celibacy

Today I would like to write about three very different victims of involuntary celibacy. While their age, circumstances and ways of dealing with incel all differed the ending was the same – suicide.

I got an idea for this post from the Wikipedia article on Involuntary celibacy where two of them are mentioned so parts of my posts will be copypasted.

1.  Christine Chubbuck (August 24, 1944 – July 15, 1974), an American television news reporter who committed suicide during a live television broadcast.

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Her focus on her lack of relationships is generally considered to be the driving force for her depression; her mother later summarized “her suicide was simply because her personal life was not enough.” She lamented to co-workers her 30th birthday was approaching and she was still a virgin who had never been on more than two dates with a man. Her brother Greg later recalled several times she had gone out with a man, before moving to Sarasota, but agreed she had trouble connecting socially in the beach resort town. He believed her constant self-deprecation for being “dateless” contributed to her ongoing depression.

She had her right ovary removed in an operation the year before, and had been told if she did not become pregnant within a year, it was unlikely she would ever be able to conceive.

Apparently, she had an unrequited crush on co-worker George Peter Ryan. She baked him a cake for his birthday and sought his romantic attention, only to find out he was already involved with sports reporter Andrea Kirby. Kirby had been the co-worker closest to Chubbuck, but she was offered a new job in Baltimore, which had further depressed Chubbuck.

Chubbuck’s lack of a romantic partner was considered a tangent of her desperate need to have close friends, though co-workers said she tended to be brusque and defensive whenever they made friendly gestures toward her. She was self-deprecating, criticizing herself constantly and rejecting any compliments she was given.

On the morning of July 15, 1974, Chubbuck confused co-workers by claiming she had to read a newscast to open her program, Suncoast Digest, something she had never done before. That morning’s talk show guest waited across the studio while she sat at the news anchor’s desk.During the first eight minutes of her program, Chubbuck covered three national news stories and then a local restaurant shooting from the previous day. The restaurant was the Beef and Bottle Restaurant at the Sarasota-Bradenton Airport on U.S. 41. The film reel of the restaurant shooting had jammed and would not run, so Chubbuck shrugged it off and said on-camera, “In keeping with Channel 40’s policy of bringing you the latest in blood and guts, and in living color, you are going to see another first—attempted suicide.” She drew the revolver and shot herself behind her right ear. Chubbuck fell forward violently and the technical director faded rapidly to black.Camera operator Jean Reed later recalled she thought it had been an elaborate prank and did not realize Chubbuck had actually shot herself until she saw Chubbuck’s twitching body.

Comment: this is the first case I’ve known in which incel was a driving force behind suicide. What makes it odd is that a woman was involved, while many men, incel or not,  will tell you that  it is impossible for a woman to be incel. On the other hand, there is no way to know all the facts about her personality, emotional condition and or exact circumstances in bygone pre-feminist era. It’s hard to imagine that a woman who the co-workers said  tended to be brusque and defensive whenever they made friendly gestures toward her, as well as self-deprecating, criticizing herself constantly and rejecting any compliments she was given, would be incel today. Her facial looks seem normal, probably slightly above average though there is something off-putting about her sad eyes and hollow cheeks. Still, I am utterly convinced that her looks were not a part of the problem.However, it is virtually certain that incel was the main cause behind suicide and that dealing with it would very likely save her life.

2. George Sodini (September 30, 1960 – August 4, 2009), a systems analyst at the law firm of K&L Gates.

On a website registered in his name, Sodini chronicled over a nine-month period his rejections by women and his severe sexual frustration. “Who knows why? I am not ugly or too weird. No sex since July 1990 either (I was 29),” he writes. “Last time I slept all night with a girlfriend it was 1982. Girls and women don’t even give me a second look ANYWHERE.” About his problems with women, he wrote: “Women just don’t like me. There are 30 million desirable women in the US (my estimate) and I cannot find one.” He also wrote about contemplating carrying out a shooting, which he referred to as the “exit plan”,[3] while also revealing that he “chickened out” of carrying out such a shooting earlier in the year. The website states that he was “never married” and concludes “Death Lives!” Sodini states, “Probably 99% of the people who know me well don’t even think I was this crazy.” Sodini is reported to have left a note along inside the gym bag stating his hatred for women.[4] In 2008, Sodini posted online videos, in which he discusses his emotions, along with a tour of his home, the latter which was a homework assignment from “a self-help seminar [he] had attended on how to date women”.[8] Nearly a week after the murders, it was revealed that Sodini had brought an inert grenade on a Port Authority bus on July 28, 2009. After a passenger sitting next to him notified police, he was questioned about the incident but no charges were filed.

The 2009 Collier Township shooting, also referred to as the 2009 Bridgeville LA Fitness shooting, was a murder-suicide that took place on August 4, 2009 in an LA Fitness health club in Collier Township, a suburb of Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania. The attack resulted in four deaths, including that of the perpetrator who took his own life. Nine other people were injured.[1] The fitness center is approximately 10 miles (16 km) south of Pittsburgh,[2] in The Great Southern Shopping Center, a strip mall located in the Kirwan Heights section of Collier Twp.

The shooting occurred at a women’s aerobics class at the LA Fitness center in The Great Southern Shopping Center of Collier Township at approximately 8:15 p.m. EDT. The shooter entered the class, placed a duffel bag on the ground, turned off the lights, took out at least two handguns and began firing, police said. According to police, the gunman may have fired 52 shots before committing suicide.[3] The handguns used by the perpetrator reportedly were two 9mm semiautomatics, a .32-caliber semiautomatic and a .45-caliber revolver.[1]

Three women and the gunman died, and about nine other people were injured. The county Medical Examiner’s office identified the three women who died as Heidi Overmier, 46, of Collier; Elizabeth Gannon, 49, of Green Tree, Pennsylvania; and Jody Billingsley, 38, of Mt. Lebanon, Pennsylvania.

Comment: Many people would find calling George Sodini a victim problematic. However, I don’t see how the fact that he’s left innocent victims himself makes him less of a victim of a horrific condition. The reason why I feel less sympathy for Sodini than the remaining two victims isn’t because he killed women. Any one of these women (as, for that matter, virtually all men) didn’t give a damn about his plight and while they didn’t contribute to it they would certainly do nothing to alleviate it. (I will post about my views on morality and the term “justify” in another post) . Even if it weren’t so, incel might have messed with his brain enough for him to be completely unable to control himself. No medication of doctors could have helped and that idea is simply a liberal, feminazi folly. His problem was  a situational one.

The problem with Sodini is his obsession with getting a 20 year-old woman, something he posted about. It’s unclear if he approached 20 year-old women exclusively or just how much of his effort was directed at them.  However, there is simply no justification for that kind of unrealistic expectation. If he was influenced by the media he was stupid. If he got it into his head as a fixation he was mentally disturbed beyond incel.

That being said, I still think he might have been helped by my program but he would have to adjust his expectations a lot. Which reminds me of a seriously funny argument presented by a feminist on David Futrelle’s blog- that he would be violent towards a woman he would meet through the program. This is utter nonsense, impossible to prove and very unlikely. One of the arguments in support of that idiotic claim was that Eivind Berge makes violent rhetoric even though he has a girlfriend. Of course, completely leaving out the fact that all of his violent rhetoric, including the sentence about almost killing a cop in a public park were made before June 2011, which means before he stared dating Emma. I don’t consider mentioning a female prosecutor in the same sentence as Breivik as any kind of a threat- he clearly meant that 77 bodies weren’t enough for that person to stop her misuse of justice.

Women he killed were victims of society’s negligence about incel. Unless you believe in fairy tales on good and evil so was George Sodini.

3. person x

This person was a member of a forum I post on. He wasn’t a very frequent poster and mostly went unnoticed until his friend logged in months after his last appearance and told us this story

early this year, shortly after his birthday he took his life.

it has been tough for us, his family and friends. in his notes to me he mentioned this site and provided the passwords. 

usually he was a very happy person. or so i thought. after his last birthday, he started to become angry. he would always talk about being alone forever and how it’s better to just stop living. i said there are many people who truly love you but he would still stay angry. i tried to lift his spirits and asked if he wanted to go to a club or bar but he did’nt want to go. in his note he said he would just walk down the streets to look at the women and imagine what it felt like to be with them.

i did’nt know he was a virgin. i knew he did’nt have a girl but now i’m understanding the reason. i read his post about the girl at his work. i did’n’t know that was the reason he shaved his head. i remember that day. i asked him what happened but he said it was charity. we joked about him losing a bet.

i wish so much he talked about this to me. i feel so bad for all the times i would kiss my girl in front of him. we tried to set him up but he always refused and said the girls were ugly and he wanted a pretty girl. so we gave up. he was never shy to talk to my girl so we did’nt know he had problems. he would say if i ever left her or treated her bad that he would be there for her. she liked hearing that. she misses him too. she would always tell me how nice and sweet he is and i should be more like that.

his mother asked me to say the he had a name. he did’nt like that he called himself person x…

Comment: fate of this  previously completely unknown person provoked sincere and widespread sadness. However, while no such other case appeared on the forum more than one suicide attempt was made and almost every poster thought about suicide at some point. In fact, there is a number of known members who bent on doing it if their situation doesn’t get better within the next few years. Of course, most of them are on therapy and it didn’t do anything for them.

To conclude, I believe that many brainwashed liberals will say that all of these people could have been helped with therapy. Nothing is further from the truth. What they don’t see is that their reactions were normal within the given situation. Medicating them enough to turn them into zombies unconcerned with their incel problem would just be another way to kill them. And there was nothing that the therapist could have made to make them unnatural, no matter how  convenientit would be for society to have its problem and the relating duties removed.

David Futrelle – a liar supporting murder while engaging in censorship

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I am not an MRA but this picture fits well in the article. Reasons for this title are as following 1. He is supporting my parents and my government in their murderous acts

2. He has decided to ban me without appropriate information to do so or asking me about any of the facts and decided to uphold my ban after I sent him  a very detailed explanation  throughly debunking his assumptions

3. He is in direct violation of his own comment policy, as his blog contains links to a site where innocent people have been defamed, a fact he chose to ignore even after I warned him about it twice. 

My ban which occured in August on  http://manboobz.com/, David Futrelle’s blog documenting online misogyny, after only a couple of hours on it clearly shows what kind of a deceitful and hypocritical scumbag David Futrelle is. At first it seemed  that my ban had less to do with the content of my posts, considering that they contained absolutely no misogyny and dealt with involuntary celibacy, in fact mostly describing my personal experiences and arguing that involuntary celibacy can have devastating consequences.  I cannot, however, disagree that the content of the posts was extremist in nature, presenting such opinions that my parents deserve to die, which is something I will explain in further posts.

It seemed to come down to a mere misunderstanding, or so I hoped –  but there was also reason enough for suspicion that Mr Futrelle decided to nip it in the bud, as several posters have urged to decrying me unstable and even dangerous , an opinion which he also seemed to hold judging by one of his comments which had something to do with a need for me to see a psychiatrist.

It seems that neither is true. David Futrelle is actually a demented old fool who either has the memory or reading comprehension of a 7- year-old or is engaging in most blatant lies I have ever experienced.

But let me try to describe the events that supposedly led to me being banned. It simply amounted to me using a name of a person which has two defamatory blogs on him. Even though my posts contained no links or references to any of these blogs nor did the content of my posts have anything to do with the said blogs Futrelle foolishly concluded that my posts were attempts at defamation. And that was it, no questions asked, not a single chance or a request to explain myself. Both of my accounts were permanently banned and all the posts containing that name deleted.

What Futrelle and his commentators don’t know is that me using the name of a person with defamatory blogs on him had nothing to do with any attempts of defamation. It was simply a login issue due to the fact I used that name for my first comment. After I finally got my blog account approved on his site too I started posting with it and while that account was finally banned too none of the posts made by that account were deleted. What happened was that after my blog account was given permission to post my login issues made me write a few more posts under that first name, which was enough for him to ban me.

The reason why I used that name in the first place is something I won’t say for now but my attempts had nothing to do with defamation.

I thought that explaining myself and the circumstances of the unfair ban would be easy but was soon to find out that David Futrelle didn’t care at all. He told me he didn’t even bother reading my very long e-mail explaining what happened and that my behavior was entitled and shady. My attempt to explain things in a lot  shorter version didn’t do any good at all.

I finally asked him to remove the address of a defamatory blog left on his site  a while ago but his only reply is that he declines to read that e-mail and that the conversation is over.  By doing that, he is going against his own comment policy in order to deliberately defame people he doesn’t like. He has virtually shown to be either too dense to read a few sentences informing him about defamation on his own site or his goal is to keep that defamatatory content – a more likely scenario in my mind.

IN OTHER WORDS, WHILE HE CLAIMS THAT HE BANNED ME FOR ATTEMPTED DEFAMATION DEFAMATORY CONTENT I WARNED HIM ABOUT TWICE STILL REMAINS ON HIS BLOG.

Let me add, though it should be obvious by now, that I didn’t ask him to unban the nickname which caused trouble (and which didn’t even have links to any blogs) but rather this  blog.

My conclusion is that while  I’m sure David Futrelle did want to censor me and I  gave him a reason to do it without it looking like actual censorship he probably isn’t too aware of the circumstances that led him to make the wrong decision, let alone the truth. He has simply nothing to gain from hearing me out, seeing me as completely insignificant .

Of course, this might change once my blog, due to the content I intend to present, becomes extremely popular and talked about. Which is when more people will be able to figure out for themselves just how honest David Futrelle is, especially to those he views as beneath himself. The more I think about it less surprised I am. His actions are typical of spoilt person believing to be a star. His liberal brainwashing is irrelevant here – unfortunately, most people would act like he did in this situation.

Anyway, this is the link to the discussion http://manboobz.com/2012/08/02/norwegian-mens-rights-blogger-eivind-berge-released-from-jail-court-rules-that-threats-on-the-internet-do-not-count-as-incitement/

I am also preparing a huge post debunking the strawmen and assumptions made by his intolerant commentators most of who have reading comprehension of 7-year-olds. It will show why feminism and liberalism are a true mortal enemy of my ideas, as well as murderous ideologies.  However, I have yet to decide if that will be the next post or after I make more posts on involuntary celibacy.

Unlike what David claimed, I did not try to make Manboobz look bad. His lies, censorship and unwillingness to remove defamatory content a I warned him about TWICE is what made it look bad once again.

Edit: David has now deleted the defamatory link on his blog. It seems he had no intenton of defaming innocent people but was just too dense to read my e-mails.  I have no idea how he found about it just now but I am glad it is gone.